Walking back and forth between home and work has never been too big of a deal for me. But with the Oregon weather being the way it is, the wind is picking up quite a bit. Gusts of wind are blowing all over the place, becoming strong enough that I fear that if I were to bring an umbrella, I could potentially fly to California.
Sort of reminds me of Mt. Hood in a way. That one hiking trip that I took years ago with my family. The trip that was supposed to take only one afternoon, but ended up being much longer than expected. Our hiking party took at least three days to make the trip.
And as it turns out, I'm not the only one that remembered that incident. I've been meaning to write an account of the trip ever since I first started blogging (all the way back when I was writing in my journal at deviantART), but now that I've read Loki Jr.'s post, I sincerely believe that there is no way I can possibly make it a better read than his version. My version would probably stretch on for far too long, never get finished, and be filled with boring facts and overuse of parentheses.
Well...maybe I'll write my version one of these days. Probably not for a while, though.
Jan 31, 2007
Jan 29, 2007
Wake Up With The King
Lately, the game of my affection is not a major release for some next generation console, nor is it a handheld game. It is a game which I purchased for the low price of $4.00 from my local restaurant.
That game is Sneak King, one of Burger King's three promotional XBox games.
Promotional games (or advergaming) are usually just like other games, except that the premise of the game (or perhaps the game's protagonist) involves a major consumer product or service. Good examples of previous advergames are Cool Spot (7up), Push-Over (Quavers), and the legendary Pepsi Man for Playstation. I suppose one could also argue that Bally Midway's classic Tapper arcade game could be considered an advergame (as it prominently featured the Budweiser logo on everything).
Burger King's effort, created by developer Blitz Games (previously known for WarGames, Fuzion Frenzy, and Pac-Man World 3), puts you in the majestic royal shoes of the King himself, and tasks you to deliver Burger King food to the hungry citizens before they pass out from hunger. There is the added difficulty of stealth - you need to sneak up on people and surprise them with the food. If they spot you, they won't accept your food (probably because they think you're some crazy kind of stalker).
The game's style of stealth borrows more elements from Splinter Cell than it does Metal Gear. Obviously you don't have weapons or the ability to disable people at all, so you have to rely entirely on your stealth skills. Thankfully, though, there's no way to die or get captured - all that happens when you're spotted is you lose your chain multiplier, and if you're spotted by a hungry patron, they will no longer accept their meal until they get hungry again.
Sneak King's core gameplay element is the score. It's not just about being sneaky - it's about doing it well. You get more points for delivering food if you get closer to your target, if you deliver the food from a hiding place like a dumpster or toilet (eew...), if the target is about to pass out and you deliver the food at the very last second, or if you perform a successful Flourish move. When you present your food to a target, a meter fills up on screen. Stopping the meter at the top makes the King do a little dance before giving the food, and gives you way more points. (Thankfully, the game pauses the mission timer during these sequences, because they take a while.)
Currently, my only complaint about the game is how long it takes for the Flourish animations to complete. The game does pause the mission timer, as well as freezing the hunger meters on all the patrons (so nobody will pass out if you get the max-level Flourish), but it can get a little old seeing the same dance all the time. I would like to point out, however, that the King's flourishes change when you visit a new area.
At this point, Sneak King strikes me as a very good game. While the technical quality of it is rather lacking (I'm sure it looks much better on the XBox 360; I'm playing it on an original XBox through component video), the game itself is simple and fun enough to keep me coming back. It seems rather lengthy, too.
That game is Sneak King, one of Burger King's three promotional XBox games.
Promotional games (or advergaming) are usually just like other games, except that the premise of the game (or perhaps the game's protagonist) involves a major consumer product or service. Good examples of previous advergames are Cool Spot (7up), Push-Over (Quavers), and the legendary Pepsi Man for Playstation. I suppose one could also argue that Bally Midway's classic Tapper arcade game could be considered an advergame (as it prominently featured the Budweiser logo on everything).
Burger King's effort, created by developer Blitz Games (previously known for WarGames, Fuzion Frenzy, and Pac-Man World 3), puts you in the majestic royal shoes of the King himself, and tasks you to deliver Burger King food to the hungry citizens before they pass out from hunger. There is the added difficulty of stealth - you need to sneak up on people and surprise them with the food. If they spot you, they won't accept your food (probably because they think you're some crazy kind of stalker).
The game's style of stealth borrows more elements from Splinter Cell than it does Metal Gear. Obviously you don't have weapons or the ability to disable people at all, so you have to rely entirely on your stealth skills. Thankfully, though, there's no way to die or get captured - all that happens when you're spotted is you lose your chain multiplier, and if you're spotted by a hungry patron, they will no longer accept their meal until they get hungry again.
Sneak King's core gameplay element is the score. It's not just about being sneaky - it's about doing it well. You get more points for delivering food if you get closer to your target, if you deliver the food from a hiding place like a dumpster or toilet (eew...), if the target is about to pass out and you deliver the food at the very last second, or if you perform a successful Flourish move. When you present your food to a target, a meter fills up on screen. Stopping the meter at the top makes the King do a little dance before giving the food, and gives you way more points. (Thankfully, the game pauses the mission timer during these sequences, because they take a while.)
Currently, my only complaint about the game is how long it takes for the Flourish animations to complete. The game does pause the mission timer, as well as freezing the hunger meters on all the patrons (so nobody will pass out if you get the max-level Flourish), but it can get a little old seeing the same dance all the time. I would like to point out, however, that the King's flourishes change when you visit a new area.
At this point, Sneak King strikes me as a very good game. While the technical quality of it is rather lacking (I'm sure it looks much better on the XBox 360; I'm playing it on an original XBox through component video), the game itself is simple and fun enough to keep me coming back. It seems rather lengthy, too.
Jan 27, 2007
Truth, Justice, and the Objection
Picked up my prordered Phoenix Wright 2 today. Now, if my brother decides to buy a DS (he better!), I can loan him my imported copies and still have a copy to play myself. I bet he'd love the game - heck, I bet my sister-in-law would love it, too!
Mom's neck hurts. I really feel sorry for her, especially since she had errands to run today. At this point, though, she can't really crane her neck around enough to drive effectively, so I guess that idea is out.
The Quest for the Holy Grail still continues - on a random whim, I checked EB Games, and they still don't have theirs. I picked up on a lead that Fred Meyer was supposed to get "a shipment" yesterday and had Mom check it out, but that shipment did not contain any Nintendo Wii systems. I'm having Dad keep an eye out, too - however, I've been hearing things about how employees aren't allowed to purchase the systems. I wonder if that only means that you can't use the employee discount on them, or if it's actually cause for termination to buy one?
The PSP homebrew scene is abuzz with news that firmware versions 2.81-3.03 are now downgradable, and thus, can safely install Dark_Alex's custom firmware that allows homebrew programs and things to run. The only thing required is an unpatched copy of GTA: Liberty City Stories, which is hard to find because it's hard to tell which copies are patched and which are not. Exophase and I are keeping an eye on eBay, though - unpatched UMD's are going to become wildly popular on eBay with this news. (Unless Dark_Alex or Noobz finds another exploit that does not require the game.)
Mom's neck hurts. I really feel sorry for her, especially since she had errands to run today. At this point, though, she can't really crane her neck around enough to drive effectively, so I guess that idea is out.
The Quest for the Holy Grail still continues - on a random whim, I checked EB Games, and they still don't have theirs. I picked up on a lead that Fred Meyer was supposed to get "a shipment" yesterday and had Mom check it out, but that shipment did not contain any Nintendo Wii systems. I'm having Dad keep an eye out, too - however, I've been hearing things about how employees aren't allowed to purchase the systems. I wonder if that only means that you can't use the employee discount on them, or if it's actually cause for termination to buy one?
The PSP homebrew scene is abuzz with news that firmware versions 2.81-3.03 are now downgradable, and thus, can safely install Dark_Alex's custom firmware that allows homebrew programs and things to run. The only thing required is an unpatched copy of GTA: Liberty City Stories, which is hard to find because it's hard to tell which copies are patched and which are not. Exophase and I are keeping an eye on eBay, though - unpatched UMD's are going to become wildly popular on eBay with this news. (Unless Dark_Alex or Noobz finds another exploit that does not require the game.)
Jan 25, 2007
Games, Sex, Violence, and The Pope
In a move that has (amazingly) surprised a good chunk of the games community, Pope Benedict XVI has publicly condemned video games, among other things. While he specifically mentioned animated films and video games, he's not necessarily focusing on them.
I'm not surprised at all. Since when have religious authorities ever supported all these potentially mind corrupting man-made fantasies? Wasn't Dungeons & Dragons a topic of controversy among religious figures back when it was the big thing?
And why is nearly everybody angry about this? He's the freaking Pope. He's not about to just come out and admit that he's a video gamer, right down to announcing what his XBox Live gamertag is and challenge everybody to a game of Uno.
I'm not surprised at all. Since when have religious authorities ever supported all these potentially mind corrupting man-made fantasies? Wasn't Dungeons & Dragons a topic of controversy among religious figures back when it was the big thing?
And why is nearly everybody angry about this? He's the freaking Pope. He's not about to just come out and admit that he's a video gamer, right down to announcing what his XBox Live gamertag is and challenge everybody to a game of Uno.
Jan 24, 2007
Initiation
I guess I've been officially initiated as a cell phone owner.
Not long after I got home today, I received a phone call on my cell. This phone call ended up being from a mortgage place, and I promptly hung up on them. Just afterwards, I registered my cell phone on the Do Not Call registry.
I suppose they know I exist now.
Not long after I got home today, I received a phone call on my cell. This phone call ended up being from a mortgage place, and I promptly hung up on them. Just afterwards, I registered my cell phone on the Do Not Call registry.
I suppose they know I exist now.
Jan 21, 2007
Quest for the Holy Grail
The holy grail? That's right - the Nintendo Wii.
My quest began last week, January 13th, as I finally saved enough money to buy one of the things. Trips to both Target and EB Games proved fruitless - both had sold out that very morning. So I bought some other crap, gave my brother $320, and asked him to purchase one for me, going so far as to stay at the EB store for hours to pick one up.
A week passed, Bro went there and asked for a Wii, and was denied - the shipment had not come.
Today, upon visiting my dear brother, I was greeted with this fact. I was not terribly broken up, though - I soon discovered that when he bought Guitar Hero 2, he had opted for the bundle package with the controller. So he had two guitar controllers, and was completely equipped to play the game in co-operative mode.
So we spent at least an hour grinding away at the songs. We started our set with YYZ by Rush, with me on the bass guitar (on Easy, as I was out of practice) and him on lead guitar (on Expert). After that, we moved on to Shout at the Devil, then dived straight into Trogdor the Burninator. After that was over, we jumped into You Really Got Me (a favorite of the niece, who was singing along the whole time), a song by Freezepop that I forgot the title of, a few other songs by bands I can't remember, and finally we finished with the perennial concert favorite, Free Bird.
Free Bird was probably the most fun I've ever had playing a rhythm action game. Even though I was playing on Easy (and he was playing the lead guitar on Hard), the challenge was ramped to the max. They don't call 'em face-melters for nothing! I missed a fair number of notes (I think my final score was somewhere around 89%, with his around 88%, netting us a 4-star concert rating), but I'll be damned if I can think of a better time that I've spent with my brother. It'll be hard to top that - though we shall see when we finally get the Wii.
Speaking of the Wii, I've shifted the responsibility to my mother, given the revelation that she is capable of walking into Fred Meyer at the very instant that it opens (around 7 AM) on her way to work. She can keep checking their stocks for the Nintendo Wii and accessories, right at the very beginning of the day, presumably before any of the other residents of Newberg. There is the chance that there will be line-campers, but there is also the chance that Fred Meyer has a specific policy about line-campers (i.e. not to allow them to camp, on the pretense that it is considered loitering and therefore punishable by law).
Chances and legalese aside, I think I've found a winning solution. We'll see how well it goes starting tomorrow, and failing that, the rest of this week.
My quest began last week, January 13th, as I finally saved enough money to buy one of the things. Trips to both Target and EB Games proved fruitless - both had sold out that very morning. So I bought some other crap, gave my brother $320, and asked him to purchase one for me, going so far as to stay at the EB store for hours to pick one up.
A week passed, Bro went there and asked for a Wii, and was denied - the shipment had not come.
Today, upon visiting my dear brother, I was greeted with this fact. I was not terribly broken up, though - I soon discovered that when he bought Guitar Hero 2, he had opted for the bundle package with the controller. So he had two guitar controllers, and was completely equipped to play the game in co-operative mode.
So we spent at least an hour grinding away at the songs. We started our set with YYZ by Rush, with me on the bass guitar (on Easy, as I was out of practice) and him on lead guitar (on Expert). After that, we moved on to Shout at the Devil, then dived straight into Trogdor the Burninator. After that was over, we jumped into You Really Got Me (a favorite of the niece, who was singing along the whole time), a song by Freezepop that I forgot the title of, a few other songs by bands I can't remember, and finally we finished with the perennial concert favorite, Free Bird.
Free Bird was probably the most fun I've ever had playing a rhythm action game. Even though I was playing on Easy (and he was playing the lead guitar on Hard), the challenge was ramped to the max. They don't call 'em face-melters for nothing! I missed a fair number of notes (I think my final score was somewhere around 89%, with his around 88%, netting us a 4-star concert rating), but I'll be damned if I can think of a better time that I've spent with my brother. It'll be hard to top that - though we shall see when we finally get the Wii.
Speaking of the Wii, I've shifted the responsibility to my mother, given the revelation that she is capable of walking into Fred Meyer at the very instant that it opens (around 7 AM) on her way to work. She can keep checking their stocks for the Nintendo Wii and accessories, right at the very beginning of the day, presumably before any of the other residents of Newberg. There is the chance that there will be line-campers, but there is also the chance that Fred Meyer has a specific policy about line-campers (i.e. not to allow them to camp, on the pretense that it is considered loitering and therefore punishable by law).
Chances and legalese aside, I think I've found a winning solution. We'll see how well it goes starting tomorrow, and failing that, the rest of this week.
Jan 19, 2007
What I Want Castlevania To Become
Let's face it: the Castlevania franchise, while high quality, is pretty formulaic. After the immense success of Symphony of the Night (soon to be re-released for XBox 360), and the continuing popularity of the more recent games (Aria/Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait of Ruin), Castlevania is getting pretty predictable. And of course, IGA and company are still milking SotN-style games as much as possible.
I, on the other hand, would like for Konami to finally do something new that ties off some of the loose ends.
Major props to Konami in the first place, for finally tying down the Bloodlines story and telling us why the Vampire Killer changed hands to the Morris family. But we need more things explained. (Spoilers ahead - ye be warned!)
Aria of Sorrow (and to a lesser extent, Dawn of Sorrow) both refer to an incident that takes place in the year 1999 - Dracula is resurrected and is defeated, and his castle is sealed within a solar eclipse by Julius Belmont, who subsequently loses his memory. I, as a gamer, want to experience the 1999 incident first-hand.
Another thing: with SotN's "best" ending, the following exchange takes place:
What becomes of Maria after that? Presumably she finds Alucard and saves him (otherwise, we wouldn't have Genya Arikado in the Sorrow games). Perhaps she had an adventure of her own? It would be a massive treat to be able to play out this adventure, considering that (aside from an unlockable mode in Portrait of Ruin), US audiences have never played as Maria. Japan got to play as her in Dracula X and the Saturn version of SotN.
And there's got to be more to the "origins" story explored in Lament of Innocence. I would have preferred to use the explanation presented in Castlevania Legends (Sonia Belmont and Alucard join forces to take on Dracula, and Sonia gives birth to Trevor and starts the whole chain) but LoI brings it even further back with Leon Belmont, former knight of the church, as far back as 1094 AD. But what happens between 1094 and 1470 (Castlevania 3, Trevor Belmont)? Do the Belmonts continue their vampire hunting legacy? Or do they simply remain dormant for 400 years?
And finally, there has never been an "official" Castlevania that takes place in the 1800's. Portrait of Ruin presents the fact that the Belmonts were forbidden to touch the Vampire Killer whip after Richter's disgrace (being controlled by Shaft in SotN), and the Morris family was to guard it and pass on the knowledge of the whip until the year 1999, when the current heir to the Belmont line was to take it and fight Dracula. The 1800's have been almost completely retconned by IGA and company (none of the Castlevanias to take place in that decade are considered official canon).
I, on the other hand, would like for Konami to finally do something new that ties off some of the loose ends.
Major props to Konami in the first place, for finally tying down the Bloodlines story and telling us why the Vampire Killer changed hands to the Morris family. But we need more things explained. (Spoilers ahead - ye be warned!)
Aria of Sorrow (and to a lesser extent, Dawn of Sorrow) both refer to an incident that takes place in the year 1999 - Dracula is resurrected and is defeated, and his castle is sealed within a solar eclipse by Julius Belmont, who subsequently loses his memory. I, as a gamer, want to experience the 1999 incident first-hand.
Another thing: with SotN's "best" ending, the following exchange takes place:
Alucard: The blood that flows in my veins is cursed. 'Twould be best for this world if I were to disappear forever. Farewell then. We'll not meet again.
Maria: .....Alucard...
Richter: Don't you want to go after him?
Maria: .......I'm sorry...I can't let him disappear from my life.
Richter: It's all right. Go after him. Perhaps you can save his haunted soul.
Maria: Thank you Richter... Fare thee well.
Richter: And yourself, dear Lady.
What becomes of Maria after that? Presumably she finds Alucard and saves him (otherwise, we wouldn't have Genya Arikado in the Sorrow games). Perhaps she had an adventure of her own? It would be a massive treat to be able to play out this adventure, considering that (aside from an unlockable mode in Portrait of Ruin), US audiences have never played as Maria. Japan got to play as her in Dracula X and the Saturn version of SotN.
And there's got to be more to the "origins" story explored in Lament of Innocence. I would have preferred to use the explanation presented in Castlevania Legends (Sonia Belmont and Alucard join forces to take on Dracula, and Sonia gives birth to Trevor and starts the whole chain) but LoI brings it even further back with Leon Belmont, former knight of the church, as far back as 1094 AD. But what happens between 1094 and 1470 (Castlevania 3, Trevor Belmont)? Do the Belmonts continue their vampire hunting legacy? Or do they simply remain dormant for 400 years?
And finally, there has never been an "official" Castlevania that takes place in the 1800's. Portrait of Ruin presents the fact that the Belmonts were forbidden to touch the Vampire Killer whip after Richter's disgrace (being controlled by Shaft in SotN), and the Morris family was to guard it and pass on the knowledge of the whip until the year 1999, when the current heir to the Belmont line was to take it and fight Dracula. The 1800's have been almost completely retconned by IGA and company (none of the Castlevanias to take place in that decade are considered official canon).
Jan 18, 2007
Ergophobia: Aftermath
Phew.
One of the cooks, who literally lives two minutes away from the building, drove over and filled in for the missing person, and somehow we finished five minutes ahead of schedule, despite my limping around the dining room.
My feet still hurt. Thankfully, tomorrow is my last day this week, then I get to stay home. As much as I want to visit my dear brother, my parents are likely rather busy this weekend, presumably something to do with Burning Crusade. I'll be keeping tabs on them through my own copy of WoW (though I will not be able to join them personally as I do not own BC).
One of the cooks, who literally lives two minutes away from the building, drove over and filled in for the missing person, and somehow we finished five minutes ahead of schedule, despite my limping around the dining room.
My feet still hurt. Thankfully, tomorrow is my last day this week, then I get to stay home. As much as I want to visit my dear brother, my parents are likely rather busy this weekend, presumably something to do with Burning Crusade. I'll be keeping tabs on them through my own copy of WoW (though I will not be able to join them personally as I do not own BC).
Ergophobia
(That's the fear of work, for those too lazy to Google it.)
I am in deep crud.
Things are changing for the worse at work. First, the boss mandated that all employees of the dietary department must wear "work shoes". The category of "tennis shoes" happens to be what my shoes fall under, and the boss does not accept this. He has given me until February 1st to buy work shoes, which is not going to be fun, because not only does it mean I have to spend more money (something I'm on short supply of after last week's mistakes), I also have to break in another pair of shoes, and endure the pain that my feet will undoubtedly feel after having stood on them for a straight week (well, off and on, but you all probably know what I mean).
Then there's tonight. I do not look forward to tonight's dinner shift - one of the girls called in sick, and there is now only me and the other girl working tonight, unless the boss can work some miracle (and given the fact that he's put me up for triple-shift days and required me to buy new shoes, I doubt a miracle is within his grasp - maybe he can summon food from thin air, but an employee is another thing entirely).
Everybody wish me luck...my shift starts in 45 minutes. I'll post again when I get back, providing I haven't died.
I am in deep crud.
Things are changing for the worse at work. First, the boss mandated that all employees of the dietary department must wear "work shoes". The category of "tennis shoes" happens to be what my shoes fall under, and the boss does not accept this. He has given me until February 1st to buy work shoes, which is not going to be fun, because not only does it mean I have to spend more money (something I'm on short supply of after last week's mistakes), I also have to break in another pair of shoes, and endure the pain that my feet will undoubtedly feel after having stood on them for a straight week (well, off and on, but you all probably know what I mean).
Then there's tonight. I do not look forward to tonight's dinner shift - one of the girls called in sick, and there is now only me and the other girl working tonight, unless the boss can work some miracle (and given the fact that he's put me up for triple-shift days and required me to buy new shoes, I doubt a miracle is within his grasp - maybe he can summon food from thin air, but an employee is another thing entirely).
Everybody wish me luck...my shift starts in 45 minutes. I'll post again when I get back, providing I haven't died.
Jan 17, 2007
Just Bang Your Flimsy Gavel And Get On With It, Man!
Fingers are being pointed in accusatory gestures as the latest entry in the Phoenix Wright series finally hits the States (officially - none of that importing stuff needed). And it comes with pre-order goodies. Phoenix's finger makes an awesome stylus.
And yes, even though I already own the Japanese version with the English language option, I am buying the US release as well. This way, when my brother buys his DS (he's been hinting about it), I could give him my old Japanese version and keep the US version. And I'll loan him the first game, too, so he'll be able to see the whole thing from the beginning.
I discovered several days ago just how flimsy the Castlevania stylus really is. The tip continued to come out, despite my best attempts at keeping it rooted, until a single tap did it in, snapping the tip clear off and cracking the housing. Ah well, at least the rest of the pre-order goodies are pretty good, especially that soundtrack CD (which, surprisingly, contains tracks from the classic Game Boy games and even Dracula X for PCE).
I decided to cancel my City of Heroes/City of Villains account, after one month of play. I simply don't have the time to justify paying their fees, not to mention the game doesn't really have a hook beyond level 8. After that point, it's pretty much the same cycle of killing thugs, completing missions, and buying new enhancements for your powers. It's nice to be able to fly around and run faster than the average motor vehicle, but I just wasn't having fun with it anymore, outside of occasionally messing with the character creator (and all things considered, HeroMachine is essentially the same thing).
I'm tired.
And yes, even though I already own the Japanese version with the English language option, I am buying the US release as well. This way, when my brother buys his DS (he's been hinting about it), I could give him my old Japanese version and keep the US version. And I'll loan him the first game, too, so he'll be able to see the whole thing from the beginning.
I discovered several days ago just how flimsy the Castlevania stylus really is. The tip continued to come out, despite my best attempts at keeping it rooted, until a single tap did it in, snapping the tip clear off and cracking the housing. Ah well, at least the rest of the pre-order goodies are pretty good, especially that soundtrack CD (which, surprisingly, contains tracks from the classic Game Boy games and even Dracula X for PCE).
I decided to cancel my City of Heroes/City of Villains account, after one month of play. I simply don't have the time to justify paying their fees, not to mention the game doesn't really have a hook beyond level 8. After that point, it's pretty much the same cycle of killing thugs, completing missions, and buying new enhancements for your powers. It's nice to be able to fly around and run faster than the average motor vehicle, but I just wasn't having fun with it anymore, outside of occasionally messing with the character creator (and all things considered, HeroMachine is essentially the same thing).
I'm tired.
Turbo-Yawn!
New schedule at work dictates that I'm going to have to come in at 7:30 AM and work until 8:30, in addition to my regular hours of 11 to 2 and 4 to 7 (or, after slight modifications, 3:45 to 7). Yes, my free time is cut down quite a bit, but this in addition to the recent increase to the state's minimum wage ($7.80/hour) means I'm going to make more money, clock more hours, and get everything paid off faster.
And hey, that's all the better, if I ever intend on getting an XBox 360. Gotta plan ahead, y'know.
And hey, that's all the better, if I ever intend on getting an XBox 360. Gotta plan ahead, y'know.
Jan 14, 2007
The Long Forgotten Joys...
...of tasering enemies until they set fire.
When I first laid my hands on Syphon Filter for the Playstation back in 2000, I was fascinated by the game's fall-back weapon - the Taser. It was a weapon idea that I had never seen before. As soon as I figured out what it did, I went nuts with it, tasering terrorists until there were no more terrorists to tase. At some point I got so good at it that I went through the entire first mission on Georgia Street with only the taser. And you had to love those screams you hear when you set people on fire.
And so, it is with great delight that I dove into the latest PSP installment of Syphon Filter, to discover that they had brought back my beloved taser! It takes much longer to ignite a terrorist this time around, but the screams are just as satisfying as they were in the first game. Joy!
When I first laid my hands on Syphon Filter for the Playstation back in 2000, I was fascinated by the game's fall-back weapon - the Taser. It was a weapon idea that I had never seen before. As soon as I figured out what it did, I went nuts with it, tasering terrorists until there were no more terrorists to tase. At some point I got so good at it that I went through the entire first mission on Georgia Street with only the taser. And you had to love those screams you hear when you set people on fire.
And so, it is with great delight that I dove into the latest PSP installment of Syphon Filter, to discover that they had brought back my beloved taser! It takes much longer to ignite a terrorist this time around, but the screams are just as satisfying as they were in the first game. Joy!
The Phoenix Wright Twist Nobody Expected
VON KARMA: I have something to say.... I'm not really an evil satanic man obessed with perfection. I'm... *rips off von Karma mask*
PHOENIX: WINSTON PAYNE!!!!
PAYNE: Yes, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling attorneys and your stupid dog.
MISSILE: Grrrrrrrrrr.
(courtesy of Manfred von Karma of Court Records Forums)
PHOENIX: WINSTON PAYNE!!!!
PAYNE: Yes, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling attorneys and your stupid dog.
MISSILE: Grrrrrrrrrr.
(courtesy of Manfred von Karma of Court Records Forums)
Jan 13, 2007
Bounty List: Clover Edition (RESULTS)
Today's bounty list consisted of every Clover Studios game, as well as a few odds and ends. It also dictated the purchase of a Nintendo Wii and Zelda. How did I do?
- Complete Clover back-catalog - COMPLETE (Viewtiful Joe 1, 2, and Red Hot Rumble for GCN, God Hand and Okami for PS2)
- Proder Phoenix Wright 2 - COMPROMISED (ordered, but I left the damn bonus items at the store)
- Devil May Cry - COMPLETE (DMC 1 and 3 Special Edition, wisely ignoring DMC 2)
- Nintendo Wii - UTTER FAILURE (None in stock)
The big score was a loss. They should have one in stock next week, and I'm having my brother pick it up for me - but I am deeming it a Failure because there was nothing when I went there. I was also unable to find any of the good Nintendo first-party games (Paper Mario, Chibi-Robo, and Wario World).
I also damn near overdrafted myself. When I set out today, I had set aside $500 in my checking account, with the rest being thrown into savings. What I didn't know was that on that very day, my automatic savings deposit kicked in, transferring $25 of my checking money into savings. I also failed to calculate the cost of my new cell phone ($50), and ended up going into the red. Thankfully, my mother helped me avoid overdraft fees, but I'll seriously owe her money the next time I get a paycheck.
Thank goodness I'm getting more hours at work...more money, and I can get this debt paid off. And then some.
- Complete Clover back-catalog - COMPLETE (Viewtiful Joe 1, 2, and Red Hot Rumble for GCN, God Hand and Okami for PS2)
- Proder Phoenix Wright 2 - COMPROMISED (ordered, but I left the damn bonus items at the store)
- Devil May Cry - COMPLETE (DMC 1 and 3 Special Edition, wisely ignoring DMC 2)
- Nintendo Wii - UTTER FAILURE (None in stock)
The big score was a loss. They should have one in stock next week, and I'm having my brother pick it up for me - but I am deeming it a Failure because there was nothing when I went there. I was also unable to find any of the good Nintendo first-party games (Paper Mario, Chibi-Robo, and Wario World).
I also damn near overdrafted myself. When I set out today, I had set aside $500 in my checking account, with the rest being thrown into savings. What I didn't know was that on that very day, my automatic savings deposit kicked in, transferring $25 of my checking money into savings. I also failed to calculate the cost of my new cell phone ($50), and ended up going into the red. Thankfully, my mother helped me avoid overdraft fees, but I'll seriously owe her money the next time I get a paycheck.
Thank goodness I'm getting more hours at work...more money, and I can get this debt paid off. And then some.
Jan 12, 2007
Anarchy, Karma, and Undeserved Power
From #doomarmory on EsperNet. No edits were made to the following conversation, save for me trimming out some of the "noise" from it afterwards and some names being edited.
[20:18][kingofflames] We have nothing better to do, ;)
[20:18] [ipf] Lots of idling here :P
[20:18] [chronoteeth] And in the #zdoom too
[20:18] [wildweasel] #doomarmory on oftc.net used to be really popular before I went emo and left
[20:18] [ipf] I shouldn't have ditched the original #doomarmory like that, I feel partially responsible for the whole issue with it heh
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Yeah I miss the old DA
[20:19] [ipf] Personally I like espernet better than OFTC though
[20:19] [kingofflames] We need to get some OFTC people on EsperNet
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Damned tranny had to go pissy over everything
[20:19] [kingofflames] For no reason
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Srsly
[20:20] [kingofflames] Let's migrate everything, :O
[20:20] [wildweasel] As long as "some OFTC people" doesn't include the jerks
[20:20] [ipf] Which sadly is 80% of the userbase
[20:20] [ipf] Including the people that run it :/
[20:20] [kingofflames] Heh
[20:20] [wildweasel] I don't like crowds =P
[20:20] [chronoteeth] I actually kinda feel sad for the ole dude right now
[20:20] [wildweasel] Yeah...
[20:21] [wildweasel] The dude formerly known as ______ actually IM'ed me a while back and apologized
[20:21] [ipf] Heh, I still talk to him
[20:21] [wildweasel] That's mainly what inspired me to start the channel again.
[20:21] [ipf] Such archaic times
[20:21] [ipf] Glad you did
[20:21] [wildweasel] Except I was banned from the oftc.net version
[20:22] [ipf] o_O I don't seem to remember that
[20:22] [chronoteeth] His name is now "______", is a transgendered, very stubborn/takes offence alot, and I think he's on some sort of pill due to having alot of sudden outbursts of anger in real life
[20:22] [wildweasel] Yeah, that's what (s)he told me
[20:22] [chronoteeth] Poor guy
[20:22] [xenophon_] dude you'e not perfect either :P
[20:22] [ipf] Chronoteeth has no room to criticise people (no offense even though its probaly taken >_>)
[20:22] [chronoteeth] I know my problems
[20:22] [chronoteeth] But I don't do a damned thing to fix them
[20:23] [wildweasel] Nobody really has a right to criticize other people...yet we do it anyway
[20:23] [chronoteeth] And thus, I fall even more
[20:23] [ipf] I've always had problems, I generally try to pay attention to them and do something about them but it always goes weird
[20:23] [ipf] wildweasel, thank you
[20:23] [ipf] That was one of the most intelligent things I've heard in a while
[20:24] [wildweasel] I've learned a lot about leadership over the past few years...since the humble beginnings of the Doom Armory over at invisionfree, becoming a DRD Team member, and the whole oftc.net debacle
[20:24] [wildweasel] And now I'm a moderator at digitalmzx
[20:24] [ipf] From all the happenings between me and certain people, other certain people, and OFTC, this is all I have to say about OFTC: No.
[20:24] [wildweasel] I'm trying really hard not to sound like I'm bragging.
[20:25] [chronoteeth] In reality it all is esentially our wants to be "leader"
[20:25] [ipf] I used to have a habit of (mostly IRL as far as I think) going a little too far and end up making a big deal over something small without even realising it (probaly because I was never that social), now I'm paranoid if I even point something out I'm making too big of a deal...
[20:25] [wildweasel] But in all honesty, leading people really takes a lot more than people think
[20:26] [chronoteeth] From our instincts, we tend to point out the problems so we can outcast the one more, thus increasing the chance to become the pack leader
[20:26] [wildweasel] Most people that are in power today (not naming names) really don't deserve that power.
[20:26] [chronoteeth] But it is instinctual
[20:27] [chronoteeth] They don't deserve it, yesh, but they did the most to fight to become the alpha
[20:27] [ipf] wildweasel, I agree with that statement as well
[20:27] [ipf] They get it just because they like to be in power, want to show off, etc.
[20:27] [chronoteeth] It can be helped
[20:27] [chronoteeth] But you cannot get rid of "our need for dominancy"
[20:27] [chronoteeth] Even the little things
[20:28] [ipf] Personally... I don't meant to start a huge political discussion, but when I think about it, it seems to me like Bush only started any conflict, or tried to, just so he could say he won a war.
[20:28] [wildweasel] This is why a true anarchy will never work, and why communism has traditionally always failed. The desire for power.
[20:28] [ipf] Not coungint the WTC incident and the attack on Al Queda, but Iraq...
[20:28] [xenophon_] anarchy isn't meant to work tbh :P
[20:28] [ipf] Nope
[20:29] [ipf] Which makes me wonder the point of it
[20:29] [wildweasel] The fools that believe that anarchy is the best solution are only jealous of those in power and want a piece of it.
[20:29] [ipf] Find an anarchist and say "hey, would you like to be president". Guess what they will say.
[20:30] [wildweasel] Want an example of anarchy? Look at Iraq, after the palace in Baghdad was taken by US troops. Or look at New Orleans, post-Katrina.
[20:30] [ipf] Yes
[20:31] [ipf] Perfect examples
[20:31] [wildweasel] It's a frightening reality. If you ask me, these events were waiting to happen to show the world just what would happen in those situations.
[20:31] [wildweasel] Karma effects on a grand scale, you could say.
[20:32] [chronoteeth] Making the mans world a no mans world
[20:32] [chronoteeth] One disaster at a time
[20:32] [wildweasel] Nothing will change unless all 6.2 billion people in the world change.
[20:33] [chronoteeth] Only thing that could make the world change is either something catastrophic/gigantic in scale, or we all of a sudden have another race of sentient intelligent creatures
[20:33] [ipf] And unless they all changed to be exactly the same in every way, things like conflict would exist no matter what
[20:38] [wildweasel] Does anybody mind if I post (edited) logs of this on my blog?
[20:38] [ipf] Go right ahead
[20:18]
[20:18] [ipf] Lots of idling here :P
[20:18] [chronoteeth] And in the #zdoom too
[20:18] [wildweasel] #doomarmory on oftc.net used to be really popular before I went emo and left
[20:18] [ipf] I shouldn't have ditched the original #doomarmory like that, I feel partially responsible for the whole issue with it heh
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Yeah I miss the old DA
[20:19] [ipf] Personally I like espernet better than OFTC though
[20:19] [kingofflames] We need to get some OFTC people on EsperNet
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Damned tranny had to go pissy over everything
[20:19] [kingofflames] For no reason
[20:19] [chronoteeth] Srsly
[20:20] [kingofflames] Let's migrate everything, :O
[20:20] [wildweasel] As long as "some OFTC people" doesn't include the jerks
[20:20] [ipf] Which sadly is 80% of the userbase
[20:20] [ipf] Including the people that run it :/
[20:20] [kingofflames] Heh
[20:20] [wildweasel] I don't like crowds =P
[20:20] [chronoteeth] I actually kinda feel sad for the ole dude right now
[20:20] [wildweasel] Yeah...
[20:21] [wildweasel] The dude formerly known as ______ actually IM'ed me a while back and apologized
[20:21] [ipf] Heh, I still talk to him
[20:21] [wildweasel] That's mainly what inspired me to start the channel again.
[20:21] [ipf] Such archaic times
[20:21] [ipf] Glad you did
[20:21] [wildweasel] Except I was banned from the oftc.net version
[20:22] [ipf] o_O I don't seem to remember that
[20:22] [chronoteeth] His name is now "______", is a transgendered, very stubborn/takes offence alot, and I think he's on some sort of pill due to having alot of sudden outbursts of anger in real life
[20:22] [wildweasel] Yeah, that's what (s)he told me
[20:22] [chronoteeth] Poor guy
[20:22] [xenophon_] dude you'e not perfect either :P
[20:22] [ipf] Chronoteeth has no room to criticise people (no offense even though its probaly taken >_>)
[20:22] [chronoteeth] I know my problems
[20:22] [chronoteeth] But I don't do a damned thing to fix them
[20:23] [wildweasel] Nobody really has a right to criticize other people...yet we do it anyway
[20:23] [chronoteeth] And thus, I fall even more
[20:23] [ipf] I've always had problems, I generally try to pay attention to them and do something about them but it always goes weird
[20:23] [ipf] wildweasel, thank you
[20:23] [ipf] That was one of the most intelligent things I've heard in a while
[20:24] [wildweasel] I've learned a lot about leadership over the past few years...since the humble beginnings of the Doom Armory over at invisionfree, becoming a DRD Team member, and the whole oftc.net debacle
[20:24] [wildweasel] And now I'm a moderator at digitalmzx
[20:24] [ipf] From all the happenings between me and certain people, other certain people, and OFTC, this is all I have to say about OFTC: No.
[20:24] [wildweasel] I'm trying really hard not to sound like I'm bragging.
[20:25] [chronoteeth] In reality it all is esentially our wants to be "leader"
[20:25] [ipf] I used to have a habit of (mostly IRL as far as I think) going a little too far and end up making a big deal over something small without even realising it (probaly because I was never that social), now I'm paranoid if I even point something out I'm making too big of a deal...
[20:25] [wildweasel] But in all honesty, leading people really takes a lot more than people think
[20:26] [chronoteeth] From our instincts, we tend to point out the problems so we can outcast the one more, thus increasing the chance to become the pack leader
[20:26] [wildweasel] Most people that are in power today (not naming names) really don't deserve that power.
[20:26] [chronoteeth] But it is instinctual
[20:27] [chronoteeth] They don't deserve it, yesh, but they did the most to fight to become the alpha
[20:27] [ipf] wildweasel, I agree with that statement as well
[20:27] [ipf] They get it just because they like to be in power, want to show off, etc.
[20:27] [chronoteeth] It can be helped
[20:27] [chronoteeth] But you cannot get rid of "our need for dominancy"
[20:27] [chronoteeth] Even the little things
[20:28] [ipf] Personally... I don't meant to start a huge political discussion, but when I think about it, it seems to me like Bush only started any conflict, or tried to, just so he could say he won a war.
[20:28] [wildweasel] This is why a true anarchy will never work, and why communism has traditionally always failed. The desire for power.
[20:28] [ipf] Not coungint the WTC incident and the attack on Al Queda, but Iraq...
[20:28] [xenophon_] anarchy isn't meant to work tbh :P
[20:28] [ipf] Nope
[20:29] [ipf] Which makes me wonder the point of it
[20:29] [wildweasel] The fools that believe that anarchy is the best solution are only jealous of those in power and want a piece of it.
[20:29] [ipf] Find an anarchist and say "hey, would you like to be president". Guess what they will say.
[20:30] [wildweasel] Want an example of anarchy? Look at Iraq, after the palace in Baghdad was taken by US troops. Or look at New Orleans, post-Katrina.
[20:30] [ipf] Yes
[20:31] [ipf] Perfect examples
[20:31] [wildweasel] It's a frightening reality. If you ask me, these events were waiting to happen to show the world just what would happen in those situations.
[20:31] [wildweasel] Karma effects on a grand scale, you could say.
[20:32] [chronoteeth] Making the mans world a no mans world
[20:32] [chronoteeth] One disaster at a time
[20:32] [wildweasel] Nothing will change unless all 6.2 billion people in the world change.
[20:33] [chronoteeth] Only thing that could make the world change is either something catastrophic/gigantic in scale, or we all of a sudden have another race of sentient intelligent creatures
[20:33] [ipf] And unless they all changed to be exactly the same in every way, things like conflict would exist no matter what
[20:38] [wildweasel] Does anybody mind if I post (edited) logs of this on my blog?
[20:38] [ipf] Go right ahead
Jan 11, 2007
The Bounty List, Or Why I Can't Seem To Feel Good
This week so far is not particularly enjoyable. I bet it's a test. The conditions: if I manage to cope with the hazards and dumb crap thrown at me today, fate will allow me to purchase a Nintendo Wii. If I fail, the Wii will be conveniently out of stock everywhere I go, and I will be forced to save my money for the next time around. But not until after I've snagged some of the stuff on my Bounty List.
I've already "used" my gift card (i.e. I spent $50 online, since EB Games doesn't let you use gift cards on the 'net), and have five games coming in the mail - Psi-Ops, Geist, Battalion Wars, Dead or Alive 3, and Unreal Championship 2.
It's theme time for the bounty list, and after hearing about the unfortunate disbanding of Capcom's Clover Studios, I've decided to finally see what all the fuss is about - my bounty list consists solely of every game Clover had a hand in. Both the Viewtiful Joe games on GameCube, God Hand, and Okami. The Cheap List (games that I'll only purchase if they're cheap) includes New Super Mario Bros, Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror, and Kingdom Hearts 2.
The number one priority this time around is God Hand. After hearing so many different viewpoints about it (one of which described the game as "Benny Hill Kung-Fu") I have a sudden morbid curiosity about the game. I want to see what it's really like - if it's pure genius, or if it truly merits IGN's 3.0 out of 10 review scores (which, to boot, they are the only site that has rated it that low).
After much deliberation, I've also finally decided which Wii game to purchase with my console. The number one pick is (and I'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone) Zelda. My second choice: Trauma Center. Maybe I'll find a new obsession in Trauma Center, in much the same way I did Phoenix Wright. Who knows.
And finally, I'm getting a cell phone. A K10 Royale, for $20. The specs on that thing are pretty good for the money - "superphonic" ring tones (basically a fancy term for MP3), support for Java games (which means Doom RPG), and about 4 hours of talk time on the battery, with seven days battery time while idling. I'm usually pretty good about keeping my gadgets charged, though - the only times I've ever had a gadget die on me are when I'm using Mom's digital camera (or those times I almost let my DS die while playing through Phoenix Wright Case 4).
I've already "used" my gift card (i.e. I spent $50 online, since EB Games doesn't let you use gift cards on the 'net), and have five games coming in the mail - Psi-Ops, Geist, Battalion Wars, Dead or Alive 3, and Unreal Championship 2.
It's theme time for the bounty list, and after hearing about the unfortunate disbanding of Capcom's Clover Studios, I've decided to finally see what all the fuss is about - my bounty list consists solely of every game Clover had a hand in. Both the Viewtiful Joe games on GameCube, God Hand, and Okami. The Cheap List (games that I'll only purchase if they're cheap) includes New Super Mario Bros, Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror, and Kingdom Hearts 2.
The number one priority this time around is God Hand. After hearing so many different viewpoints about it (one of which described the game as "Benny Hill Kung-Fu") I have a sudden morbid curiosity about the game. I want to see what it's really like - if it's pure genius, or if it truly merits IGN's 3.0 out of 10 review scores (which, to boot, they are the only site that has rated it that low).
After much deliberation, I've also finally decided which Wii game to purchase with my console. The number one pick is (and I'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone) Zelda. My second choice: Trauma Center. Maybe I'll find a new obsession in Trauma Center, in much the same way I did Phoenix Wright. Who knows.
And finally, I'm getting a cell phone. A K10 Royale, for $20. The specs on that thing are pretty good for the money - "superphonic" ring tones (basically a fancy term for MP3), support for Java games (which means Doom RPG), and about 4 hours of talk time on the battery, with seven days battery time while idling. I'm usually pretty good about keeping my gadgets charged, though - the only times I've ever had a gadget die on me are when I'm using Mom's digital camera (or those times I almost let my DS die while playing through Phoenix Wright Case 4).
Jan 9, 2007
Forever Doomed To Repeat
BBC Program Examines Video Game Debate in 18th Century Context
From GamePolitics:
This is the very viewpoint I've always held over video game legislation. I wonder how long it's going to be before the government decides to give up on video games, the same way they've essentially given up on books and music, and find another medium to pester?
From GamePolitics:
This morning’s program contrasts current societal concerns over video games with the historical uproar over Samuel Richardson’s 1740 novel, Pamela: Or Virtue Rewarded.
Back then, the literary format of the novel was new. While many found Pamela compelling, others were frightened by the novel’s ability to attract, hold and, perhaps, corrupt readers.
This is the very viewpoint I've always held over video game legislation. I wonder how long it's going to be before the government decides to give up on video games, the same way they've essentially given up on books and music, and find another medium to pester?
Jan 8, 2007
A Turnabout For The Holidays - The Shocking Conclusion!
(The Judge places the empty box, formerly containing Edgeworth's chocolate almond cookies, on top of her podium.)
JUDGE: Yes. I ate them. Every single one of them. And I washed them down with a few cups of coffee. What's so shocking about that? Did you want one of them, Mr. Wright?
PHOENIX: You're not understanding the predicament I'm in here! I'm going to lose to Edgeworth here because a critical piece of evidence has been eaten!
JUDGE: Critical? I wouldn't say it's that critical...
PHOENIX: Yes it is! Because as far as I can tell, there is not one other box of cookies like that!
OBJECTION!!
(The courtroom comes to a complete standstill once again, as the doors fly open to reveal a small group of people. The first person to enter is the booming voice responsible for the objection - Prosecutor Manfred von Karma.
VON KARMA: You're wasting both your time and ours, Mr...Wright, was it? I am terrible at remembering the names of defense attorneys...especially since they are, shall we say, disposable. JUDGE!
JUDGE: (snapping to attention) Y-yes!
VON KARMA: Hand me that box!
(The Judge complies immediately, handing the empty box to him via one of her bailiffs.)
PHOENIX: ...Maya, is it just me, or does she treat those bailiffs as her lap dogs?
MAYA: Did I just see one fetching her slippers?
PEARL: She just gave one of them a puppy treat...
VON KARMA: This box looks extremely familiar. I happen to have received one exactly like this one just this morning. As have a few other people...
(The rest of the people enter the room - all of them prosecutors, and each one of them holding a box looking exactly the same as Edgeworth's, save for the address labels.)
FRANZISKA: Are you paying attention, Mr. Phoenix Wright? (she tosses her box to Phoenix)
PHOENIX: (Much as I hate to admit it, I think Von Karma is on to something...) How do you explain something like this?
GODOT: You ought to ask yourself that same burning question. (he sips his coffee a bit) The very question that burns like a hot coal within the very heart of the courtroom. The coal that heats my coffee. (he takes another quick gulp)
PHOENIX: Your Honor, I've got it. Every prosecutor in this district received one of these boxes of cookies at their office last night. (Phoenix takes a quick look at Franziska's box again) The initials on the return address are all the same, too - SC.
WINSTON PAYNE: (obviously shocked, as if he never made the connection himself) Really?! (Completely dumbfounded by this notion, he looks at his box in bewilderment as Phoenix continues.)
PHOENIX: And there's only one thing that "SC" could have stood for, given the time and circumstances - Santa Claus. In other words...my client, Christopher Cringle.
(The jurors start chattering amongst themselves. The judge looks around nervously, wondering if she should pound her fist on the table again or have a bailiff pick up her gavel again. Before she makes a decision, Von Karma begins to speak again.
VON KARMA: I will have order, or you will all be held in contempt of court! (Everybody shuts up, all at once) That's better.
PHOENIX: (tossing the box back to Franziska) I've got a feeling that I know what this is all about. The most obvious thing in the world.
FRANZISKA: If you're thinking what I'm thinking, only an utterly foolish fool would dare to fool themselves into thinking otherwise.
PHOENIX: This man--my client--really is Santa Claus. The cookies were a result of his annual present delivery route - I'm sure you all know it as "Christmas." And the man that entered Lotta's house at half-past midnight was one and the same. Edgeworth, I need you to clarify one thing for me.
EDGEWORTH: What?
PHOENIX: When you were questioning Lotta at her residence, where do you think she got the cookies?
EDGEWORTH: I had assumed that she made them herself, or more likely, bought them from a supermarket.
LOTTA: Heeeyy! You just insulted my old-fashioned Southern cookin' skills! (she pauses for just a moment) ...but that's odd...I don't know where those cookies came from. I sure didn't make 'em, an' I was too busy lookin' for a scoop the past week to do any shoppin'.
PHOENIX: I believe that I know exactly where they came from. Your cookies were brought by Santa, on that fateful night. Santa's motive was not to rob you blind - he intended to give you the cookies.
EDGEWORTH: Wait a second, Wright. How could he have dropped off the cookies if he entered the house at 12:30 and was apprehended five minutes later? He couldn't have had the time. He was being chased by Ms. Hart.
PHOENIX: He didn't enter the house at 12:30. He tried to leave, the same way he came in - the chimney. Allow me to explain. He could have entered the house at any time before 12:30, with the intent of dropping off his presents. At around that time, he could have made some noise that would startle Lotta awake. Lotta, sensing a scoop, would grab her camera and run for the living room to try and catch Santa in the act. By the time she got there, Santa was trying to climb up the chimney, but he slipped and tumbled back down, tripping and hitting the floor. That's about where Lotta's side of the story comes in - that's exactly when she took that photo, apprehended Santa, and contacted the police.
MAYA: Of course, it all makes so much sense!
PEARL: You did it, Mr. Nick!
PHOENIX: Any rebuttals, Edgeworth?
EDGEWORTH: ...Not a one.
JUDGE: Well then...considering this turn of events, I would like to bring this court session to a close by pronouncing my verdict.
VON KARMA: Not a moment too soon. I grow tired of this place.
JUDGE: Bailiff, get my gavel.
BAILIFF: Um, Your Honor...it's...um...(He points to Bertha Rotunda's legs, which is presumably where the gavel now lies. The Judge determines that the gavel is irretrievable, and opts to have the Von Karmas aid her in pronouncing the verdict.)
JUDGE: This court declares the defendant, Mr. Christopher "Santa Claus" Cringle...
EVERYONE: NOT GUILTY!
(Applause erupts throughout the room. Even Edgeworth and Franziska can be seen smiling. Godot maintains a straight face and continues to down his coffee, while Payne is still staring dumbfoundedly at his box of cookies as if it were the world's most complex Rubik's Cube.)
JUDGE: This court is adjourned!
(In place of the gavel, Manfred Von Karma snaps his fingers, and Franziska whips Edgeworth. Everybody goes home happy, except for Winston Payne, who is so confused by his box of cookies that he wanders outside of the courtroom still staring at it. He encounters Larry Butz, who sees the box and tears it open before his eyes and hands it back to him as if he had just solved the world's most complex Rubik's Cube.)
LARRY: Merry Christmas, buddy.
(Payne realizes who he's looking at and runs in the opposite direction.)
THE END
JUDGE: Yes. I ate them. Every single one of them. And I washed them down with a few cups of coffee. What's so shocking about that? Did you want one of them, Mr. Wright?
PHOENIX: You're not understanding the predicament I'm in here! I'm going to lose to Edgeworth here because a critical piece of evidence has been eaten!
JUDGE: Critical? I wouldn't say it's that critical...
PHOENIX: Yes it is! Because as far as I can tell, there is not one other box of cookies like that!
OBJECTION!!
(The courtroom comes to a complete standstill once again, as the doors fly open to reveal a small group of people. The first person to enter is the booming voice responsible for the objection - Prosecutor Manfred von Karma.
VON KARMA: You're wasting both your time and ours, Mr...Wright, was it? I am terrible at remembering the names of defense attorneys...especially since they are, shall we say, disposable. JUDGE!
JUDGE: (snapping to attention) Y-yes!
VON KARMA: Hand me that box!
(The Judge complies immediately, handing the empty box to him via one of her bailiffs.)
PHOENIX: ...Maya, is it just me, or does she treat those bailiffs as her lap dogs?
MAYA: Did I just see one fetching her slippers?
PEARL: She just gave one of them a puppy treat...
VON KARMA: This box looks extremely familiar. I happen to have received one exactly like this one just this morning. As have a few other people...
(The rest of the people enter the room - all of them prosecutors, and each one of them holding a box looking exactly the same as Edgeworth's, save for the address labels.)
FRANZISKA: Are you paying attention, Mr. Phoenix Wright? (she tosses her box to Phoenix)
PHOENIX: (Much as I hate to admit it, I think Von Karma is on to something...) How do you explain something like this?
GODOT: You ought to ask yourself that same burning question. (he sips his coffee a bit) The very question that burns like a hot coal within the very heart of the courtroom. The coal that heats my coffee. (he takes another quick gulp)
PHOENIX: Your Honor, I've got it. Every prosecutor in this district received one of these boxes of cookies at their office last night. (Phoenix takes a quick look at Franziska's box again) The initials on the return address are all the same, too - SC.
WINSTON PAYNE: (obviously shocked, as if he never made the connection himself) Really?! (Completely dumbfounded by this notion, he looks at his box in bewilderment as Phoenix continues.)
PHOENIX: And there's only one thing that "SC" could have stood for, given the time and circumstances - Santa Claus. In other words...my client, Christopher Cringle.
(The jurors start chattering amongst themselves. The judge looks around nervously, wondering if she should pound her fist on the table again or have a bailiff pick up her gavel again. Before she makes a decision, Von Karma begins to speak again.
VON KARMA: I will have order, or you will all be held in contempt of court! (Everybody shuts up, all at once) That's better.
PHOENIX: (tossing the box back to Franziska) I've got a feeling that I know what this is all about. The most obvious thing in the world.
FRANZISKA: If you're thinking what I'm thinking, only an utterly foolish fool would dare to fool themselves into thinking otherwise.
PHOENIX: This man--my client--really is Santa Claus. The cookies were a result of his annual present delivery route - I'm sure you all know it as "Christmas." And the man that entered Lotta's house at half-past midnight was one and the same. Edgeworth, I need you to clarify one thing for me.
EDGEWORTH: What?
PHOENIX: When you were questioning Lotta at her residence, where do you think she got the cookies?
EDGEWORTH: I had assumed that she made them herself, or more likely, bought them from a supermarket.
LOTTA: Heeeyy! You just insulted my old-fashioned Southern cookin' skills! (she pauses for just a moment) ...but that's odd...I don't know where those cookies came from. I sure didn't make 'em, an' I was too busy lookin' for a scoop the past week to do any shoppin'.
PHOENIX: I believe that I know exactly where they came from. Your cookies were brought by Santa, on that fateful night. Santa's motive was not to rob you blind - he intended to give you the cookies.
EDGEWORTH: Wait a second, Wright. How could he have dropped off the cookies if he entered the house at 12:30 and was apprehended five minutes later? He couldn't have had the time. He was being chased by Ms. Hart.
PHOENIX: He didn't enter the house at 12:30. He tried to leave, the same way he came in - the chimney. Allow me to explain. He could have entered the house at any time before 12:30, with the intent of dropping off his presents. At around that time, he could have made some noise that would startle Lotta awake. Lotta, sensing a scoop, would grab her camera and run for the living room to try and catch Santa in the act. By the time she got there, Santa was trying to climb up the chimney, but he slipped and tumbled back down, tripping and hitting the floor. That's about where Lotta's side of the story comes in - that's exactly when she took that photo, apprehended Santa, and contacted the police.
MAYA: Of course, it all makes so much sense!
PEARL: You did it, Mr. Nick!
PHOENIX: Any rebuttals, Edgeworth?
EDGEWORTH: ...Not a one.
JUDGE: Well then...considering this turn of events, I would like to bring this court session to a close by pronouncing my verdict.
VON KARMA: Not a moment too soon. I grow tired of this place.
JUDGE: Bailiff, get my gavel.
BAILIFF: Um, Your Honor...it's...um...(He points to Bertha Rotunda's legs, which is presumably where the gavel now lies. The Judge determines that the gavel is irretrievable, and opts to have the Von Karmas aid her in pronouncing the verdict.)
JUDGE: This court declares the defendant, Mr. Christopher "Santa Claus" Cringle...
EVERYONE: NOT GUILTY!
(Applause erupts throughout the room. Even Edgeworth and Franziska can be seen smiling. Godot maintains a straight face and continues to down his coffee, while Payne is still staring dumbfoundedly at his box of cookies as if it were the world's most complex Rubik's Cube.)
JUDGE: This court is adjourned!
(In place of the gavel, Manfred Von Karma snaps his fingers, and Franziska whips Edgeworth. Everybody goes home happy, except for Winston Payne, who is so confused by his box of cookies that he wanders outside of the courtroom still staring at it. He encounters Larry Butz, who sees the box and tears it open before his eyes and hands it back to him as if he had just solved the world's most complex Rubik's Cube.)
LARRY: Merry Christmas, buddy.
(Payne realizes who he's looking at and runs in the opposite direction.)
THE END
Jan 7, 2007
Anything New?
I think I really should rant about this so that you readers understand what I am dealing with here.
Here's a hypothetical situation...on a forum I go to, any given individual starts a thread about their awesome project, posting either screenshots, a written sample of their story, or at best a playable beta version. Progress is steady for several months, then suddenly the project's thread falls silent.
Then, months after I've forgotten about the project and moved on, I notice a new post in the thread. Activity. People are talking about the project again. Perhaps the creator has returned with a brand new beta.
I eagerly open the thread to see what is being said, and there is but one new post - some newbie that registered on that very day, posting these exact words: "any updates?"
I don't expect people to be able to notice the Private Message system on most message forums. That's why I sometimes have to lock, move, or delete threads that are only intended to address one person. But I'll be frank - situations like these piss me off.
Especially in cases when the thread in question has not been touched in nearly two years. Think about it - if the thread is two years old and nobody has called it from the depths of Post Hell before then, there's obviously a reason for that. Whether that reason be that the project was abandoned, sent into development "stealth mode", brought to another forum, had the team split up, had the leader leave or get himself banned from the forum, or whatever. There is NO reason for the thread to be bumped up two whole years for some backwards ignoramus to inquire if there have been any updates.
The whole principle of the "any updates?" post confuses me. Why are they asking if there have been updates? If there have been updates, then surely the thread would have been posted in with those updates, or in some other easily visible portion of the site.
Phew. That felt good.
Here's a hypothetical situation...on a forum I go to, any given individual starts a thread about their awesome project, posting either screenshots, a written sample of their story, or at best a playable beta version. Progress is steady for several months, then suddenly the project's thread falls silent.
Then, months after I've forgotten about the project and moved on, I notice a new post in the thread. Activity. People are talking about the project again. Perhaps the creator has returned with a brand new beta.
I eagerly open the thread to see what is being said, and there is but one new post - some newbie that registered on that very day, posting these exact words: "any updates?"
I don't expect people to be able to notice the Private Message system on most message forums. That's why I sometimes have to lock, move, or delete threads that are only intended to address one person. But I'll be frank - situations like these piss me off.
Especially in cases when the thread in question has not been touched in nearly two years. Think about it - if the thread is two years old and nobody has called it from the depths of Post Hell before then, there's obviously a reason for that. Whether that reason be that the project was abandoned, sent into development "stealth mode", brought to another forum, had the team split up, had the leader leave or get himself banned from the forum, or whatever. There is NO reason for the thread to be bumped up two whole years for some backwards ignoramus to inquire if there have been any updates.
The whole principle of the "any updates?" post confuses me. Why are they asking if there have been updates? If there have been updates, then surely the thread would have been posted in with those updates, or in some other easily visible portion of the site.
Phew. That felt good.
Jan 6, 2007
A Turnabout For The Holidays, Part 4
(District Court, Defendant Lobby No. 7, who cares what time it is...Phoenix sure doesn't!)
MAYA: (finally standing up - she's managed to recover rather quickly from being landed on by Lotta) Suddenly, I really don't like Lotta.
PHOENIX: (Wow. What a shock. I've been not liking her since I met her!)
MAYA: Hold on. I sense a disturbance in the magatama...
PHOENIX: ...what?
MAYA: Haven't you seen Star Wars, Nick?
PHOENIX: Please enlighten me as to what sort of cinema show you might be referring to, dearest Maya. Of course I've seen Star Wars! (But for some reason that reference was totally lost on me...)
MAYA: Someone is approaching.
(The lobby door opens. Larry Butz is still visible, pacing back and forth in the corridor outside for reasons nobody is quite sure of. But the person that opened the door is, in reality, Pearl Fey, who is visibly out of breath.)
MAYA: Pearly!
PEARL: (running over to them) I heard about the trial on TV! I came as fast as I could!
PHOENIX: You didn't run here again, did you? Did you forget about the train running out of the village?
PEARL: ...Um...what's a "train" again?
PHOENIX: Never mind, Pearls...
PEARL: But you and Mystic Maya are defending Santa Claus?
MAYA: Yup!
PEARL: How dare they hold a trial for Saint Nick! They ought to let him go!
PHOENIX: That's what I tried to tell Edgeworth a few hours ago...
PEARL: Edgeworth...have I heard that name before?
BAILIFF: Mr. Wright and legal aides, please take your stand. The trial will resume in one minute.
MAYA: Let's go!
(District Court, Courtroom No. 7. Three bailiffs are seen carrying off the Judge's desktop computer and its components, presumably fresh from playing a game of Minesweeper during the recess. A fourth bailiff is carrying an armload of empty coffee cups.)
JUDGE: (pounding her gavel rapidly) The-court-will-now-resume-for-the-trial-of-Santa-Claus! Next-witness-please! (pounds her gavel several more times)
EDGEWORTH: (placing his hands over his ears and muttering to himself) Please don't get this woman any more coffee. Please don't get this woman any more coffee...
PHOENIX: The defense-- (He's interrupted by another round of gavel-pounding. He tries several more times to get the Judge's attention, and eventually resorts to shouting.) THE DEFENSE IS READY, YOUR HONOR!
(The Judge remains blissfully unaware that the court is in session, despite the fact that she has just resumed it herself. She happily continues pounding her gavel until a very frustrated bailiff snatches it from her hand and knocks her in the head with it.)
JUDGE: Thank you. I needed that. Defense, ready?
PHOENIX: Yes, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Edgey?
EDGEWORTH: (winces slightly at being called Edgey) ...Yes, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Before our...unwitting victim landed on the defense's legal aide, you were making a valiant attempt to recap the events of the last few court sessions, were you not?
EDGEWORTH: I was, Your Honor, and I intend to continue to do so.
JUDGE: Please testify about this at once.
EDGEWORTH: Excuse me, Your Honor?
JUDGE: I've always wanted to say that. (She clears her throat so elaborately that it makes Marvin Grossberg seem weak by comparison - it shows that she has had far too much coffee in the past 45 minutes.)
EDGEWORTH: If it pleases the court, Your Honor, I will testify. I don't exactly see the point, but to be honest, I would much rather not be on your bad side after how much coffee you drank just now. (The Judge, slightly peeved, throws her gavel at Edgeworth but misses by several inches and hits Bertha in the arm instead.) Right then.
Edgeworth's Testimony: What Happened Just Now
EDGEWORTH: At exactly half past midnight on Christmas Day, Ms. Lotta Hart was greeted by the sound of somebody climbing down her chimney. This sound was ultimately that of the defendant, Mr. Christopher Cringle, stumbling into Ms. Hart's living space. She took one picture of the defendant, which was instrumental in warranting an arrest. This occurred within five minutes of the incident.
(Edgeworth, upon finishing his testimony, walks back to his stand, but the Judge stops him halfway.)
JUDGE: The defense may now cross-examine the witness.
EDGEWORTH: I am not a witness, Your Honor. If you would like, I can call upon somebody who is.
JUDGE: I insist. Mr. Wright, your cross-examination?
PHOENIX: I--
EDGEWORTH: There is no need for the defense to cross-examine the prosecution. Such a thing is unheard of, unless the defense has some substantial proof that I may have committed this crime.
PHOENIX: ...Now that you mention it...I do.
EDGEWORTH: ....Hah! Ha ha ha! I would love to see what this "proof" is, then. You are only dragging this trial down with you.
PHOENIX: Several hours ago, Edgeworth, you admitted that you had in your possession a box of chocolate cookies. Is this correct?
EDGEWORTH: I fail to see where you're going with this. I request that a penalty be administered to Mr. Wright.
PHOENIX: Not yet, Edgeworth. You failed to mention in your "testimony" that a handprint was found on the scene - a handprint that was preserved in melted chocolate.
EDGEWORTH: ...!!
PHOENIX: It seems unlikely that my client would have left such a print himself, for two reasons. First, because the print is left too cleanly.
EDGEWORTH: Too cleanly? Hmph...
PHOENIX: This forensic analysis report claims that the perpetrator stumbled forward out of the fireplace and stopped himself from falling by putting his hand on the coffee table in front of him. Had this happened, the print would appear smudged.
EDGEWORTH: That's true.
PHOENIX: Second - take a look at the defendant right now. He's wearing gloves...gloves which, might I point out, bear no traces of chocolate stains.
EDGEWORTH: He could have been barehanded at the time. The gloves might have been put on later.
PHOENIX: Where did he get them, then? He was apprehended five minutes later, and if detainment procedure is the way I remember it being, there is no way he could have had the gloves after being taken into custody.
EDGEWORTH: He could have had them in a pocket.
PHOENIX: Well, there's only one thing we can do to prove that he had no involvement with that handprint. Mr. Cringle, take off your gloves, please.
(Santa stands from his seat, removes his fluffy white mittens, and shows his palms to Edgeworth. They are squeaky clean.)
PHOENIX: There you have it.
EDGEWORTH: That's all well and good, Mr. Wright. But I never mentioned that handprint. There is no evidence that it was ever brought up.
PHOENIX: You submitted that handprint as evidence in the first fifteen minutes of the trial.
EDGEWORTH: ...curse you and your memory.
PHOENIX: It's not memory, it's the Court Record. (He grins and points at the red "COURT RECORD" button on screen.)
EDGEWORTH: Stop breaking the fourth wall, Wright. I admit it already.
PHOENIX: You're the only person in this courtroom that can tell us where this handprint came from.
EDGEWORTH: I'll tell you. It was me. I left that handprint on Lotta Hart's coffee table.
(The court erupts into excited chatter. The overall agreement is that Edgeworth is certainly not himself today. The Judge, lacking her gavel after having thrown it at Bertha Rotunda, instead pounds her fist to get the courtroom's attention.)
JUDGE: Order!
EDGEWORTH: I left that handprint after having eaten a cookie at Lotta's. I had stopped by there to speak with her about what happened.
PHOENIX: What kind of cookies?
EDGEWORTH: Of all the inane and meaningless--
PHOENIX: Answer the question!
EDGEWORTH: White chocolate with macadamia nuts.
PHOENIX: And here is where I raise another objection - you mentioned, in a rather off-handed manner, that you were allergic to nuts.
EDGEWORTH: Almonds. Not macadamia nuts.
PHOENIX: Quite a specific allergy, isn't it?
EDGEWORTH: Hmph.
PHOENIX: Your Honor, do you still have the box of cookies that Edgeworth submitted as evidence?
JUDGE: Um...
PHOENIX: Oh no, don't tell me...
JUDGE: ...I ate them.
PHOENIX, EDGEWORTH, MAYA, PEARL, and LOTTA: NOOOOOOO~OOOOOO!!
To be continued - one more time, I promise.
MAYA: (finally standing up - she's managed to recover rather quickly from being landed on by Lotta) Suddenly, I really don't like Lotta.
PHOENIX: (Wow. What a shock. I've been not liking her since I met her!)
MAYA: Hold on. I sense a disturbance in the magatama...
PHOENIX: ...what?
MAYA: Haven't you seen Star Wars, Nick?
PHOENIX: Please enlighten me as to what sort of cinema show you might be referring to, dearest Maya. Of course I've seen Star Wars! (But for some reason that reference was totally lost on me...)
MAYA: Someone is approaching.
(The lobby door opens. Larry Butz is still visible, pacing back and forth in the corridor outside for reasons nobody is quite sure of. But the person that opened the door is, in reality, Pearl Fey, who is visibly out of breath.)
MAYA: Pearly!
PEARL: (running over to them) I heard about the trial on TV! I came as fast as I could!
PHOENIX: You didn't run here again, did you? Did you forget about the train running out of the village?
PEARL: ...Um...what's a "train" again?
PHOENIX: Never mind, Pearls...
PEARL: But you and Mystic Maya are defending Santa Claus?
MAYA: Yup!
PEARL: How dare they hold a trial for Saint Nick! They ought to let him go!
PHOENIX: That's what I tried to tell Edgeworth a few hours ago...
PEARL: Edgeworth...have I heard that name before?
BAILIFF: Mr. Wright and legal aides, please take your stand. The trial will resume in one minute.
MAYA: Let's go!
(District Court, Courtroom No. 7. Three bailiffs are seen carrying off the Judge's desktop computer and its components, presumably fresh from playing a game of Minesweeper during the recess. A fourth bailiff is carrying an armload of empty coffee cups.)
JUDGE: (pounding her gavel rapidly) The-court-will-now-resume-for-the-trial-of-Santa-Claus! Next-witness-please! (pounds her gavel several more times)
EDGEWORTH: (placing his hands over his ears and muttering to himself) Please don't get this woman any more coffee. Please don't get this woman any more coffee...
PHOENIX: The defense-- (He's interrupted by another round of gavel-pounding. He tries several more times to get the Judge's attention, and eventually resorts to shouting.) THE DEFENSE IS READY, YOUR HONOR!
(The Judge remains blissfully unaware that the court is in session, despite the fact that she has just resumed it herself. She happily continues pounding her gavel until a very frustrated bailiff snatches it from her hand and knocks her in the head with it.)
JUDGE: Thank you. I needed that. Defense, ready?
PHOENIX: Yes, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Edgey?
EDGEWORTH: (winces slightly at being called Edgey) ...Yes, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Before our...unwitting victim landed on the defense's legal aide, you were making a valiant attempt to recap the events of the last few court sessions, were you not?
EDGEWORTH: I was, Your Honor, and I intend to continue to do so.
JUDGE: Please testify about this at once.
EDGEWORTH: Excuse me, Your Honor?
JUDGE: I've always wanted to say that. (She clears her throat so elaborately that it makes Marvin Grossberg seem weak by comparison - it shows that she has had far too much coffee in the past 45 minutes.)
EDGEWORTH: If it pleases the court, Your Honor, I will testify. I don't exactly see the point, but to be honest, I would much rather not be on your bad side after how much coffee you drank just now. (The Judge, slightly peeved, throws her gavel at Edgeworth but misses by several inches and hits Bertha in the arm instead.) Right then.
Edgeworth's Testimony: What Happened Just Now
EDGEWORTH: At exactly half past midnight on Christmas Day, Ms. Lotta Hart was greeted by the sound of somebody climbing down her chimney. This sound was ultimately that of the defendant, Mr. Christopher Cringle, stumbling into Ms. Hart's living space. She took one picture of the defendant, which was instrumental in warranting an arrest. This occurred within five minutes of the incident.
(Edgeworth, upon finishing his testimony, walks back to his stand, but the Judge stops him halfway.)
JUDGE: The defense may now cross-examine the witness.
EDGEWORTH: I am not a witness, Your Honor. If you would like, I can call upon somebody who is.
JUDGE: I insist. Mr. Wright, your cross-examination?
PHOENIX: I--
EDGEWORTH: There is no need for the defense to cross-examine the prosecution. Such a thing is unheard of, unless the defense has some substantial proof that I may have committed this crime.
PHOENIX: ...Now that you mention it...I do.
EDGEWORTH: ....Hah! Ha ha ha! I would love to see what this "proof" is, then. You are only dragging this trial down with you.
PHOENIX: Several hours ago, Edgeworth, you admitted that you had in your possession a box of chocolate cookies. Is this correct?
EDGEWORTH: I fail to see where you're going with this. I request that a penalty be administered to Mr. Wright.
PHOENIX: Not yet, Edgeworth. You failed to mention in your "testimony" that a handprint was found on the scene - a handprint that was preserved in melted chocolate.
EDGEWORTH: ...!!
PHOENIX: It seems unlikely that my client would have left such a print himself, for two reasons. First, because the print is left too cleanly.
EDGEWORTH: Too cleanly? Hmph...
PHOENIX: This forensic analysis report claims that the perpetrator stumbled forward out of the fireplace and stopped himself from falling by putting his hand on the coffee table in front of him. Had this happened, the print would appear smudged.
EDGEWORTH: That's true.
PHOENIX: Second - take a look at the defendant right now. He's wearing gloves...gloves which, might I point out, bear no traces of chocolate stains.
EDGEWORTH: He could have been barehanded at the time. The gloves might have been put on later.
PHOENIX: Where did he get them, then? He was apprehended five minutes later, and if detainment procedure is the way I remember it being, there is no way he could have had the gloves after being taken into custody.
EDGEWORTH: He could have had them in a pocket.
PHOENIX: Well, there's only one thing we can do to prove that he had no involvement with that handprint. Mr. Cringle, take off your gloves, please.
(Santa stands from his seat, removes his fluffy white mittens, and shows his palms to Edgeworth. They are squeaky clean.)
PHOENIX: There you have it.
EDGEWORTH: That's all well and good, Mr. Wright. But I never mentioned that handprint. There is no evidence that it was ever brought up.
PHOENIX: You submitted that handprint as evidence in the first fifteen minutes of the trial.
EDGEWORTH: ...curse you and your memory.
PHOENIX: It's not memory, it's the Court Record. (He grins and points at the red "COURT RECORD" button on screen.)
EDGEWORTH: Stop breaking the fourth wall, Wright. I admit it already.
PHOENIX: You're the only person in this courtroom that can tell us where this handprint came from.
EDGEWORTH: I'll tell you. It was me. I left that handprint on Lotta Hart's coffee table.
(The court erupts into excited chatter. The overall agreement is that Edgeworth is certainly not himself today. The Judge, lacking her gavel after having thrown it at Bertha Rotunda, instead pounds her fist to get the courtroom's attention.)
JUDGE: Order!
EDGEWORTH: I left that handprint after having eaten a cookie at Lotta's. I had stopped by there to speak with her about what happened.
PHOENIX: What kind of cookies?
EDGEWORTH: Of all the inane and meaningless--
PHOENIX: Answer the question!
EDGEWORTH: White chocolate with macadamia nuts.
PHOENIX: And here is where I raise another objection - you mentioned, in a rather off-handed manner, that you were allergic to nuts.
EDGEWORTH: Almonds. Not macadamia nuts.
PHOENIX: Quite a specific allergy, isn't it?
EDGEWORTH: Hmph.
PHOENIX: Your Honor, do you still have the box of cookies that Edgeworth submitted as evidence?
JUDGE: Um...
PHOENIX: Oh no, don't tell me...
JUDGE: ...I ate them.
PHOENIX, EDGEWORTH, MAYA, PEARL, and LOTTA: NOOOOOOO~OOOOOO!!
To be continued - one more time, I promise.
A Turnabout For The Holidays, Part 3
(District Court, Defendant Lobby No. 7, unknown time. Phoenix wakes up slowly to find somebody placing a wet rag over his forehead.)
???: Hold still. If you move, this won't work the right way...
PHOENIX: ...huh?
???: Doesn't look good...what hit you out there?
PHOENIX: Mia? Is that you?
MIA?: Hold still, or this bandage is going to fall off!
PHOENIX: I thought--
MIA?: Look, pal, hold still or they're going to find somebody else to replace you!
PHOENIX: Wha...(Phoenix sits bolt upright.) Who are you?!
GUMSHOE: Whoa there, pal! Geez! Somebody's a little high-strung today!
PHOENIX: What are you doing in the defendant lobby, Gumshoe?
GUMSHOE: I'm fixin' you up, what's it LOOK like I'm doing?
PHOENIX: What about Edgeworth? What would he say?
GUMSHOE: Edgeworth is the one that asked me to do this.
MAYA: Mr. Gumshoe! How is he?
GUMSHOE: He's fine. I'm no doctor, pal, but I think I fixed him up. He should be okay in there.
EDGEWORTH: (entering the room) Detective Gumshoe.
GUMSHOE: Y-Yes, sir?
EDGEWORTH: You brought the wrong photo.
GUMSHOE: (smacks himself) Argh, I knew I screwed something up!
EDGEWORTH: The photo you brought was a publicity photo of the Dancing Blue Badger. How many times have I told you that I never want to see that monstrosity again?
GUMSHOE: (Shocked beyond belief) Mr. Edgeworth, sir, I'm very sorry! I know I should have shredded that photo sooner--
EDGEWORTH: "Sorry" is no excuse, Detective. Get back to the station. I'm sure the Chief of Detectives needs you to dust out his desk drawers again.
GUMSHOE: But--
EDGEWORTH: Unless you'd rather take another pay cut.
GUMSHOE: (utterly defeated) Alright, alright... (he leaves the room)
PHOENIX: (What's Gumshoe's salary again? He's probably paying twice his rent just to stay on the force...)
MAYA: Your forehead is bleeding again, Nick.
PHOENIX: Aagh! (grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and puts it over his head)
(District Court, Courtroom No. 7. The Judge is staring at the face of her pocketwatch, which is being held up for her by a bailiff. Another bailiff is carrying away an empty coffee cup as the attorneys take their stands once again.)
JUDGE: (reaches for her gavel, but finds that it is still missing, so she pounds her fist on the podium instead) Court is yet again in session for the trial of Mr. Christopher Cringle. (Bailiff, I thought I told you to go pick up my gavel?)
BAILIFF: (I couldn't find it.)
JUDGE: (You saw where it went, didn't you? Did you need your eyes checked?)
BAILIFF: (No, Your Honor!)
PHOENIX: (clearing his throat) The defense is ready, Your Honor.
EDGEWORTH: The prosecution has been ready for nearly five minutes, Your Honor. The courtroom is eager to get on with it.
JUDGE: Very well. Has the prosecution prepared their witness?
EDGEWORTH: It most certainly has. The prosecution would like to call Ms. Hart's landlady, Mrs. Bertha Rotunda, to the stand.
(A large old woman waddles up to the witness stand. Her hair, already turned pure white, has been done in a bun with a pair of emerald green chopsticks that match her bespectacled eyes. She is wearing a mumu, which is also emerald green, and decorated with sunflowers.
EDGEWORTH: Witness, please state your name, profession, and relation to the victim.
BERTHA: I am Bertha Rotunda, the wife of the late Patrick Rotunda. And don't you DARE laugh at my name! (The courtroom has a single collective gasp, then falls completely silent.) I am the owner and landlord of several homes in the Weeping Willow Hills neighborhood. Ms. Lotta Hart is a tenant in one of my homes.
EDGEWORTH: Where were you on Christmas Eve?
BERTHA: I was in my own home, eating dinner with my late husband.
EDGEWORTH: Your late husband?
BERTHA: Did you not hear when I mentioned my late husband, Patrick Rotunda?
EDGEWORTH: I assure you that I heard you perfectly well. But how is it possible to dine with him if he is...er...deceased?
BERTHA: I keep a jar of his ashes at the dinner table. Occasionally I will have a spirit medium contact him so that I may speak with him again.
PHOENIX: Maya, does this sound familiar to you?
MAYA: Yeah, it does. She's a frequent caller, so Kurain Village will sometimes send a student to her place as a test.
EDGEWORTH: Witness, did Ms. Hart call you on the night of the incident?
BERTHA: She did indeed. I recall it being rather late.
EDGEWORTH: Please testify to the court about what happened that night, starting from the phone call.
Bertha's Testimony: The Phone Call
BERTHA: It was around 12:45 AM when I recieved the phone call from Ms. Hart. She had claimed that an unidentified intruder had attempted to enter her home. I did ask her a few questions, but she never answered them. She insisted instead that I visit her personally.
OBJECTION!!
PHOENIX: Mrs. Rotunda, are you sure that it was 12:45 AM?
BERTHA: I could not be more certain.
PHOENIX: The police incident report states that the burglary occurred at exactly 12:30 AM. I checked into this myself - the suspect was apprehended five minutes later. How do you account for the ten minute gap? Why would Lotta insist that you visit her personally if the police had already taken care of it?
BERTHA: What is the meaning of--
JUDGE: What is the meaning of this?!
PHOENIX: Furthermore, why would Lotta call you at all?
EDGEWORTH: You're pushing it, Wright.
LOTTA: (shouting from the jury area) THAT TESTIMONY IS BULL-HONKEY! (she attempts to make Phoenix's signature finger-pointing gesture, overdoes it a bit, and ends up crashing down into Maya)
MAYA: Aaack!
PHOENIX: Maya! Are you okay?
LOTTA: Oww, my back...
PHOENIX: Maya!
LOTTA: (She jumps to her feet and gives Phoenix a scary look) You care more about that girl than me?
PHOENIX: What is your problem?
JUDGE: Bailiff! Restrain her!
BAILIFF: Gladly! (he runs over to Lotta)
EDGEWORTH: HOLD IT!!
(Everybody stops dead in their tracks, including the bailiff, who now appears to be hovering a few inches above the ground in a running posture.)
EDGEWORTH: I think we need to stop and look at the facts from the very top.
MAYA: ...uh...ugh...
EDGEWORTH: The incident obviously began at exactly half past midnight, when the defendant entered Lotta's home--
BERTHA: MY home. She is merely a tenant.
EDGEWORTH: Let me finish, witness. Mr. Cringle tumbled down the chimney at exactly twelve-thirty in the morning. Ms. Hart's photograph is solid proof of that. During this incident, the defendant, having previously handled chocolate cookies, left a chocolate handprint on Ms. Hart's coffee table. The defendant was apprehended by police five minutes later.
MAYA: (Oww...owowow...)
LOTTA: (finally noticing Maya) What's yer problem, girl?
PHOENIX: Have some pity. You fell on her.
EDGEWORTH: Is the defense listening?
PHOENIX: No, the defense is busy tending to injured!
EDGEWORTH: (deep sigh) Another injury?
JUDGE: I understand. The court will hold a 45-minute recess for the defense's legal partner to recover.
EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION!! 45 minutes is too much, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Didn't you accuse Mr. Wright of nitpicking a couple of hours ago?
EDGEWORTH: I...yes, I did, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Well, look who's talking! (gavel)
To be continued, again.
???: Hold still. If you move, this won't work the right way...
PHOENIX: ...huh?
???: Doesn't look good...what hit you out there?
PHOENIX: Mia? Is that you?
MIA?: Hold still, or this bandage is going to fall off!
PHOENIX: I thought--
MIA?: Look, pal, hold still or they're going to find somebody else to replace you!
PHOENIX: Wha...(Phoenix sits bolt upright.) Who are you?!
GUMSHOE: Whoa there, pal! Geez! Somebody's a little high-strung today!
PHOENIX: What are you doing in the defendant lobby, Gumshoe?
GUMSHOE: I'm fixin' you up, what's it LOOK like I'm doing?
PHOENIX: What about Edgeworth? What would he say?
GUMSHOE: Edgeworth is the one that asked me to do this.
MAYA: Mr. Gumshoe! How is he?
GUMSHOE: He's fine. I'm no doctor, pal, but I think I fixed him up. He should be okay in there.
EDGEWORTH: (entering the room) Detective Gumshoe.
GUMSHOE: Y-Yes, sir?
EDGEWORTH: You brought the wrong photo.
GUMSHOE: (smacks himself) Argh, I knew I screwed something up!
EDGEWORTH: The photo you brought was a publicity photo of the Dancing Blue Badger. How many times have I told you that I never want to see that monstrosity again?
GUMSHOE: (Shocked beyond belief) Mr. Edgeworth, sir, I'm very sorry! I know I should have shredded that photo sooner--
EDGEWORTH: "Sorry" is no excuse, Detective. Get back to the station. I'm sure the Chief of Detectives needs you to dust out his desk drawers again.
GUMSHOE: But--
EDGEWORTH: Unless you'd rather take another pay cut.
GUMSHOE: (utterly defeated) Alright, alright... (he leaves the room)
PHOENIX: (What's Gumshoe's salary again? He's probably paying twice his rent just to stay on the force...)
MAYA: Your forehead is bleeding again, Nick.
PHOENIX: Aagh! (grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and puts it over his head)
(District Court, Courtroom No. 7. The Judge is staring at the face of her pocketwatch, which is being held up for her by a bailiff. Another bailiff is carrying away an empty coffee cup as the attorneys take their stands once again.)
JUDGE: (reaches for her gavel, but finds that it is still missing, so she pounds her fist on the podium instead) Court is yet again in session for the trial of Mr. Christopher Cringle. (Bailiff, I thought I told you to go pick up my gavel?)
BAILIFF: (I couldn't find it.)
JUDGE: (You saw where it went, didn't you? Did you need your eyes checked?)
BAILIFF: (No, Your Honor!)
PHOENIX: (clearing his throat) The defense is ready, Your Honor.
EDGEWORTH: The prosecution has been ready for nearly five minutes, Your Honor. The courtroom is eager to get on with it.
JUDGE: Very well. Has the prosecution prepared their witness?
EDGEWORTH: It most certainly has. The prosecution would like to call Ms. Hart's landlady, Mrs. Bertha Rotunda, to the stand.
(A large old woman waddles up to the witness stand. Her hair, already turned pure white, has been done in a bun with a pair of emerald green chopsticks that match her bespectacled eyes. She is wearing a mumu, which is also emerald green, and decorated with sunflowers.
EDGEWORTH: Witness, please state your name, profession, and relation to the victim.
BERTHA: I am Bertha Rotunda, the wife of the late Patrick Rotunda. And don't you DARE laugh at my name! (The courtroom has a single collective gasp, then falls completely silent.) I am the owner and landlord of several homes in the Weeping Willow Hills neighborhood. Ms. Lotta Hart is a tenant in one of my homes.
EDGEWORTH: Where were you on Christmas Eve?
BERTHA: I was in my own home, eating dinner with my late husband.
EDGEWORTH: Your late husband?
BERTHA: Did you not hear when I mentioned my late husband, Patrick Rotunda?
EDGEWORTH: I assure you that I heard you perfectly well. But how is it possible to dine with him if he is...er...deceased?
BERTHA: I keep a jar of his ashes at the dinner table. Occasionally I will have a spirit medium contact him so that I may speak with him again.
PHOENIX: Maya, does this sound familiar to you?
MAYA: Yeah, it does. She's a frequent caller, so Kurain Village will sometimes send a student to her place as a test.
EDGEWORTH: Witness, did Ms. Hart call you on the night of the incident?
BERTHA: She did indeed. I recall it being rather late.
EDGEWORTH: Please testify to the court about what happened that night, starting from the phone call.
Bertha's Testimony: The Phone Call
BERTHA: It was around 12:45 AM when I recieved the phone call from Ms. Hart. She had claimed that an unidentified intruder had attempted to enter her home. I did ask her a few questions, but she never answered them. She insisted instead that I visit her personally.
OBJECTION!!
PHOENIX: Mrs. Rotunda, are you sure that it was 12:45 AM?
BERTHA: I could not be more certain.
PHOENIX: The police incident report states that the burglary occurred at exactly 12:30 AM. I checked into this myself - the suspect was apprehended five minutes later. How do you account for the ten minute gap? Why would Lotta insist that you visit her personally if the police had already taken care of it?
BERTHA: What is the meaning of--
JUDGE: What is the meaning of this?!
PHOENIX: Furthermore, why would Lotta call you at all?
EDGEWORTH: You're pushing it, Wright.
LOTTA: (shouting from the jury area) THAT TESTIMONY IS BULL-HONKEY! (she attempts to make Phoenix's signature finger-pointing gesture, overdoes it a bit, and ends up crashing down into Maya)
MAYA: Aaack!
PHOENIX: Maya! Are you okay?
LOTTA: Oww, my back...
PHOENIX: Maya!
LOTTA: (She jumps to her feet and gives Phoenix a scary look) You care more about that girl than me?
PHOENIX: What is your problem?
JUDGE: Bailiff! Restrain her!
BAILIFF: Gladly! (he runs over to Lotta)
EDGEWORTH: HOLD IT!!
(Everybody stops dead in their tracks, including the bailiff, who now appears to be hovering a few inches above the ground in a running posture.)
EDGEWORTH: I think we need to stop and look at the facts from the very top.
MAYA: ...uh...ugh...
EDGEWORTH: The incident obviously began at exactly half past midnight, when the defendant entered Lotta's home--
BERTHA: MY home. She is merely a tenant.
EDGEWORTH: Let me finish, witness. Mr. Cringle tumbled down the chimney at exactly twelve-thirty in the morning. Ms. Hart's photograph is solid proof of that. During this incident, the defendant, having previously handled chocolate cookies, left a chocolate handprint on Ms. Hart's coffee table. The defendant was apprehended by police five minutes later.
MAYA: (Oww...owowow...)
LOTTA: (finally noticing Maya) What's yer problem, girl?
PHOENIX: Have some pity. You fell on her.
EDGEWORTH: Is the defense listening?
PHOENIX: No, the defense is busy tending to injured!
EDGEWORTH: (deep sigh) Another injury?
JUDGE: I understand. The court will hold a 45-minute recess for the defense's legal partner to recover.
EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION!! 45 minutes is too much, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Didn't you accuse Mr. Wright of nitpicking a couple of hours ago?
EDGEWORTH: I...yes, I did, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Well, look who's talking! (gavel)
To be continued, again.
Jan 4, 2007
Stop! (Hammer-time?)
I won't bother detailing the latest episode of my illness (it's not pleasant, trust me). I did manage to go to work yesterday, with little event, but today I am forced to stay home again. Ugh. And that smell coming from my bathroom...I dare not elaborate.
Historically, I have had an obsession with stop-animation in all forms. Yesterday, I stumbled upon a stop-animated short film from the 50's, entitled Neighbours. It is highly amusing and very unique.
I also stumbled upon a modern tribute to the above, Tony vs. Paul. The stop-motion effects are even more exaggerated, with practically zero computer editing. It rocks.
For more "traditional" stop-motion involving action figures, there's this TV spot for G4TV's "Star Trek 2.0" (which, sadly, is nothing like the commercials). Hilarity.
And finally, there's my personal favorite, Lego stop-motion, with Space-Man Shane's "Spacemen At Large" series (which sadly has not been updated lately, which is an utter shame because it is genius). That video is embedded below.
Historically, I have had an obsession with stop-animation in all forms. Yesterday, I stumbled upon a stop-animated short film from the 50's, entitled Neighbours. It is highly amusing and very unique.
I also stumbled upon a modern tribute to the above, Tony vs. Paul. The stop-motion effects are even more exaggerated, with practically zero computer editing. It rocks.
For more "traditional" stop-motion involving action figures, there's this TV spot for G4TV's "Star Trek 2.0" (which, sadly, is nothing like the commercials). Hilarity.
And finally, there's my personal favorite, Lego stop-motion, with Space-Man Shane's "Spacemen At Large" series (which sadly has not been updated lately, which is an utter shame because it is genius). That video is embedded below.
Jan 2, 2007
BLLLAAAUUUGH
That's the sound that I made in the bathroom no more than half an hour ago. I must have thrown up the entire bowl of Corn Pops that I ate this morning.
I've taken some Pepto Bismol and hopefully I'm going to get better today. I can't afford to be missing work like this. I haven't been this sick in years - and I get the feeling it's either the Chinese food I ate last Friday, or the pizza that I ate on Saturday.
Really great way to start off the new year, huh?
Then there's all this stuff I've been hearing about my brother. I don't even know what to think anymore. I know the basic facts, but I refuse to believe any details until I can get both sides of the story. All I can say is, he's still my brother. Even when everybody else decides that he is unworthy, I will at least keep talking to him. Even though we barely speak as it is...
Well, I should get some rest. Otherwise I'm going to end up in the bathroom again, choking up a lung.
I've taken some Pepto Bismol and hopefully I'm going to get better today. I can't afford to be missing work like this. I haven't been this sick in years - and I get the feeling it's either the Chinese food I ate last Friday, or the pizza that I ate on Saturday.
Really great way to start off the new year, huh?
Then there's all this stuff I've been hearing about my brother. I don't even know what to think anymore. I know the basic facts, but I refuse to believe any details until I can get both sides of the story. All I can say is, he's still my brother. Even when everybody else decides that he is unworthy, I will at least keep talking to him. Even though we barely speak as it is...
Well, I should get some rest. Otherwise I'm going to end up in the bathroom again, choking up a lung.
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