Your Female Parental Unit!

The ongoing saga of my brother's personal life...since I'm pretty sure he won't blog this himself (he didn't blog his wedding either), I'll take care of this...

It was early this morning that my dad got a phone call. It turned out to be from Bro (I wonder why I've taken to calling him Bro). As it seems, his wife is currently undergoing delivery of her second child, my brother's firstborn son, and my first nephew (those all refer to the same person - I'm just too lazy to come up with a good sentence for all of that).

I'm not aware of the full given name yet - but I know that his name will be Lucien.

Since the mother was only admitted to hospital today, I have no clue when young Lucien will be able to go home. But I'll be sure to be there, just like The Smoking Gun is there when a celebrity does something stupid. (Tom Cruise caught shoplifting a pair of garden gnomes - The Smoking Gun is there.)

Well, I'm deviating...right now, amidst blogging and chatting and praying my computer doesn't make noise, I'm also making a tape recorded mix tape from my MP3's. To think, I've gone almost full circle on some'a these songs - they started on records, then they got taped, then the tapes were MP3'd, then burned to a CD, then ripped to MP3 again, then tape recorded again. They're still in surprisingly good shape despite this.

Game: Not the King Kong demo because it sucks
Tune: Whatever's going on the tape
Download of the moment: That Cloud Game

Get Ye Flask

Today was a day of fulfillment. I drew a few pictures in Artpad. I started a community project over at ZDoom.org. I made about five peoples' Top 3/5/10/umpteen lists. I registered myself at some online employment place that's local to Oregon. I made a few phone calls (though regrettably, none of them was to Sirotrax...I must get her number sometime, give her a call over the weekend or something. I mean, geez. I've always considered myself a social flop, but...not having the nerve to ask for a phone number over the Internet?!).

All in all, a successful day. I feel good.

And for some reason..."I Hope You Die" keeps playing on my Winamp shuffle playlist. This is about the third time it's come on.

Maybe the song is being played inspite of the souls of the damned, who forever curse the name of Weasel for making some adolescent Doom player's Top Thirteen-and-a-Half list. Whatever the case, there's always Yon Fast-Forward Buttone.

...oh, I forgot to mention - I've abandoned my catch phrase that I spoke of a few days ago. I have now taken to referring to objects in Olde Englishe style. Why, you ask?

I'm certainly not going to tell thou.

Graphics, schmaphics...for sooth!

Tune: AmIEviL - Death on the Snowfield (much calmer than it sounds...)
Game: Fable, Doom

[there is a knock at the door]
Blackadder: Baldrick, get the door.
[there is a loud crashing noise, and Baldrick arrives with the door]
Blackadder: Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give, phenomenally good.
Baldrick: You said get the door.
Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.
Baldrick: But my lord, I've been in your family since 1532.
Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out.

Quadraphonic Worthlessness

For fun, I decided to take the speakers off of "Greystoke" (the desk next to me) and hooked them into my computer's rear speaker jack. It works. But the cords don't reach far enough to put them behind me, so they're mounted above my stereo's speakers. Not much of a difference really...

The order for MGS3 had to be cancelled because not only was the deal I was going for not in effect (they pulled it out at the last minute, so it would seem) but I also screwed up the credit card information. I intend to pick up a physical copy from some other store sometime.

And there isn't much left to talk about, so here goes my dailies.

Tune: Strike911 - Solid Snake: 21st Century Soldier
Game: Fable, Doom
Boring, Tedious Task of the Day: Getting back all my RSS feeds

Resurrection of Weevil

I admit this isn't going to be about the expansion pack for Doom 3, because I haven't gotten around to reinstalling it.

No. This is about how I brought my PC back to life.

Because it was running so slow before, I decided to reload Windows XP from scratch. And I spent a whole day looking for my damn network drivers.

But I'm back now and I'm loving it. I've got everything I ever used before (outside of Adobe Audition and PSP, which I'm re-acquiring soon). And it runs about three times faster in general (though game performance is still lacking - though that's my video card's fault).

But hey, I'm happy. We're all happy.

Tune: McVaffe - Gemini Salsa (Mega Man 3)
Game: Fable - The Lost Chapters

...Metal Gear!

I'm going to order Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater off EBGames tomorrow. It's part of their Black Friday sale - $9.99 plus shipping.

Tune: Vangelis - Theme from Antarctica
Game: Still Fable: The Lost Chapters

Snake: He shouldn't be an issue - when he jumped out of the helicopter, he was sliced up faster than an onion in an infomercial.

Turkey Day Aftermath

It is the year 1970, and the streets of London lay in ruins. Foreign nationals frequent the streets, many of them Hungarians (not the streets, the foreign nationals). Many of these Hungarians enjoyed going to the tobaccanists' to buy cigarettes...

So like...that really wasn't supposed to be a segue into anything in particular. It is only after having typed the whole thing out that I realize how little meaning that has relating to Thanksgiving.

So I sit here at my desk (like usual) after having filled up on three plates of food. I got some gravied yams, some stuffinged hams, a nice gigantic turkey (lots o' turkey sandwiches in the future, I can see) and my trademarked dessert - Banana Wafer Pudding.

Banana Wafer Pudding consists of a large pan lined with Nilla Wafers, two boxes of Jello Instant Banana Creme Pudding, four bananas cut into slices, and topped with a container of Cool Whip. It's quite a delicious delicacy, and among the cheaper desserts to make.

Though what got me was the three potato rolls I had. Had I eaten one more, I expect that my guts would be plastered to the wall from my own spontaneous combustion.

Tune: Gustav Holst - Mars, Bringer of War
Game: Fable - The Lost Chapters
Tip of the Day: When attempting to interact with people in any given RPG, do not hit the Attack button by accident. It tends to create undesirable results.

Meryl: [concerning Vash] What are you talking about? He wasn't funny, he was down right weird. Milly, no one in their right mind could tell that goofball was him!

Walker, Texas Ranger

I went for a very long walk today. I intended to walk all the way down to the nearest Safeway store to turn in my application, but I got lost along the way and decided to just go back home.

Ah well - I at least got some exercise, even if I can't feel the bottoms of my feet anymore.

So I've been out for about two hours. That's about the longest walk I've ever taken, outside of hiking (and also barring that ill-fated camping trip at Mount Hood several years ago - I'll recount that story later when I can do it justice).

In the meantime...I've got two hours worth of Internet to catch up on.

Tune: Grateful Dead - Darkstar Jam
Game: None

The Object of Evil

I am at last rid of 007: Everything or Nothing - may I never touch an Electronic Arts game again. (Except "Black" on the PS2. That's lookin' good - but I don't think it's an EA game.)

While I was at Blockbuster, I saw a copy of MGS3: Snake Eater, pre-played, for $20. But Mom didn't have the cash to spare to buy it for me. Just as well though, I'm waiting on the "Subsistence" version.

In miscellaneous news, I'm still as lonely as ever, but I won't let that get in the way of my blogging.

So my dad was thinking about this elaborate plan involving the imminent XBox 360 launch - He planned on picking up an XBox 360 Premium package from Target (using his employee advantages to buy one before the crowds and at a discount to boot), and then selling it for an inflated price on eBay, using Microsoft's "shortage" to his advantage. However, today he learned that there are only ten at this Target location - and with an elaborate voucher-based system in place, and more than likely in excess of ten morning store campers, Dad decided against the whole thing.

Just as well...I'd rather get an original XBox anyway.

Tune: Trans Siberian Orchestra - Wizards in Winter
Game: Doom
Recent Additon To My Internet Hit List: Yahoo Games ad-banners. THANKS FOR THE DAMN VIRUSES.

Brother Pitted Against Brother

It is a time of desolation, chaos, and DVD's! Brother pitted against brother, babies...havin' babies! And then, from off-screen, came a man...with a severely beige box!

The phone rang tonight at like 10:00. It was some wireless number, so I didn't answer it. Half an hour later, it rang again, and it was the same number, so I ignored it again. It rang a third time, but I just stayed in my room and didn't check the caller ID.

Turns out it was my brother. He contacted me on Google Talk after that little incident, and after all was forgiven, we played some Literati, Chinese Checkers, and 8-Ball Pool online at Yahoo games.

And we talked about a bunch of stuff.

And we failed to play a game of Doom.

After many exchanges of goodbyes, we finally logged off. I presume Bro is in bed right now, and I'm just writing up a blog post before I hit the sack as well.

Things are still just as boring around here, so I hope I get to chat with Bro again soon - because lying down and staring at your freshly-installed Christmas lights on the ceiling is only fun for so long.

Tune: Pink Floyd - Any Colour You Like
Game: See above, plus Serious Sam 2
Anime: Had to abandon Gungrave because the torrent deleted itself. I don't care to do any others at the moment

It takes a long time not to write a book. --Douglas Adams

AudioBlaugh #2: It's Hot In Here

Download Episode 2 here (2.02 MB - PLEASE right-click/save target as)

This episode brought to you by DRD Team, Nintendo of Japan, and Chris Jones.

Eh, Steve

Catchphrases are awesome. Let's not mince words on that. You got your "Book 'em Danno"'s, your "Yippie Ki-Yay"'s, your "I'm Gonna Have To Jump"'s. All are recognizable at first glance to many people - and they're all kinda cheesy when you think about it.

But they're all awesome. Let's not forget that.

But sometimes a catchphrase just doesn't quite work.

Cortez: All right! It's time to split!
Anya: Right...whatever.

To prove my point: I've subconsciously adopted a catchphrase of my own. While not entirely my own work (it was inspired by [read: shamelessly ripped from] a Cheat Commandos cartoon), it has a personal flair to it that just makes one stop what they're doing, look in my general direction, and utter in big resounding bold letters...

WTF.

So are you ready to hear the epitome of absurd catchphrases?

You have to be READY.

Here goes.

"All right! PG-13!"

It usually starts out in celebration of something - something that, under normal circumstances, would be punctuated with somebody shouting "Alright!" or "Woo-hoo!" or "Yes!" - but then I am forced by some unknown...um...force...to follow through and shout "PG-13!" in that not-quite-burly, not-quite-adolescent voice of Silent Rip.

I suppose it's about the same thing as when Stinko Man concludes a Challenge To Ultimate Fighting with "Twenty-exty-six!" It makes as much sense as throwing marshmallows at your TV when a Ditech Dot Com commercial comes on (might I add, those are the scourge of the known universe - especially when you're watching Mail Call on the History Channel). It doesn't accomplish anything. But it's not designed to.

Rather, it doesn't accomplish anything outside of making everybody shout, in unison, completely at random...

WTF.

Tune(s): Alan Parsons Project - I Robot, Terry Scott Taylor - Spring Has Sprung, Girogio Moroder - Chase (Theme from Midnight Express)
Game(s): 007: Everything or Nothing, Picross 2, Shining Force: Resurrection of the Dark Dragon, Drymouth

We AIM To Please

I logged onto AIM today (wildweasellemon if you want a conversation) and found a message from AOL itself regarding two new bots that were forcibly added to my buddy list. Neither had the intelligence of SmarterChild. So I removed them. Each one I removed made AOL send me another message telling me that the bot was removed from my buddy list (I KNOW THAT ALREADY!). To make sure they didn't come back, I logged out and back in to find that AOL sent me one last message that the AOL Bots group was removed from my buddy list (WHICH I ALSO KNOW ALREADY).

The anime this time is FLCL ("fooly cooly") - and I'm glad I didn't watch the first episode right before bed, because it was CRAZY. In the expanse of twenty minutes, I saw some girl riding a Vespa scooter and bashing the crap out of things with a guitar (that for some reason had a chainsaw motor in it), a kid with robots coming out of his forehead, and a whole five-minute scene in the form of pages from a manga.

I like it already.

Tune: Need For Speed 3 - Snorkeling Cactus Weasels
Game: Bookworm Deluxe
Video of the moment: Shingo Versus The Power Rangers (okay, it's not really the Power Rangers - but it's funny)

Congraturation !!

After the overwhelmingly postive (cough, cough) response that my last AudioBlaugh got...I have the idea to make another. But I'd rather carry things on through text first because it just feels better.

Q: Congratulations, 007, you've saved the girl and destroyed all of my equipment.
007: Would you rather I saved your equipment and lost the girl?
Q: I give up, 007.

More fun and games with James Bond. The game overall seems to be more fun the further you get into it, but there are some incredibly tedious moments (like in the mission "Death of an Agent" where you have to dive off a cliff to save a girl). Thank goodness for Operative difficulty, or else I'd never be able to play this stupid game.

A terribly scathing review shall follow shortly at DigitalMZX.

AudioBlaugh #1: In Da Bathroom

Download today's blaugh here (~900K).

Foxy Ladies

Unfortunately, this blog is not about how I got a girlfriend.

Rather, this is yet another chapter in the ongoing "Cease and Desist" saga that has been plaguing fan-made creations since the days of 1996's canned "Aliens TC for Quake." The term "Foxed" came to be because of the aformentioned mod, and Fox Interactive's tendency to kill any projects that used their intellectual property.

I think they're wrong for doing this - because the projects were not going to be sold or even profited from. By the fans, for the fans. No bureaucrats allowed.

But this chapter is not going to end without a fight.

King's Quest IX: Every Cloak Has A Silver Lining was announced in 2002 as a fan-made 3D sequel to the King's Quest series; taking the series back to its point-and-click roots (as opposed to KQ8's action/RPG direction). But now, Vivendi has decided to issue that dreaded C&D letter - but they're not about to just give up.

The site linked is actually the home base of "Save KQIX" - a group dedicated to spreading the word about the KQIX project and even going so far as to get a mass-mail campaign into Vivendi about potentially revoking their C&D.

Even though I never personally got into the King's Quest series, I think it's just sad that Vivendi sees this project as a threat (even though they have previously said that they are no longer interested in using this property) and wants it shut down. I'm surprised they haven't done this to the KQ1VGA project (or did they? I can't remember).

Tune: Tyrian - Ending Number 2
Game: Picross 2

Don't Touch That, 007

James: What's this? A bazooka, perhaps?
Q: Don't touch that, 007...that's my lunch.

This week's game rental was 007: Everything or Nothing on the PS2. I'd heard some good things about it, and assumed immediately that it'd be better than Agent Under Fire or Rogue Agent.

So I popped the disc into the PS2 right when I got home, and lo and behold, there went all the EA Games logos I could possibly (not) want. Almost as bad as the intro to kill.switch.

But then it gives me the introduction movie, which I also can't skip. And when it's over, the game begins, thrusting me directly into the action without even a tutorial mission. I have to plod through and experiment with the controls to figure out how to do stuff.

When the short intro mission is completed, it gives me a long cutscene (plus the game's theme song video) that I still can't skip - then it makes me save the game. Thank God.

Then, after waiting for it to create the game file, I notice "MI6 TRAINING" in the mission list. Why the crap didn't this stupid game let me select that mission first instead of stumbling through the intro mission and almost dying?

Then I discovered another thing that the game intentionally hid from me - the Operative difficulty level. I kept dying on Agent and assumed that it was the easiest, because the arrows weren't helping me much. Then after experimenting, I found the easier mode, with fewer objectives and weaker enemies. While it wasn't as fulfilling, it was preferable to repeatedly being shot to death by enemies that just won't come out of cover while I was struggling to get Bond in cover. I hate EoN's cover system - I wish I had kill.switch's.

I played for a while longer and came upon the first car mission in the game. This involved Bond driving his car to catch a train. But it was hard to figure out what to do to keep up with it, considering that the game didn't tell me where the accelerator was (nor did it inform me that it supported the analog buttons on the PS2 controller, so I was cruising at half-speed for a couple minutes). Then I rammed into a metal gate, not knowing that I was supposed to destroy it with rockets.

By the time I caught up with the train, I had gotten a decent handle on things. Then it was back to the infiltration missions - they now taught me how to proceed stealthily, despite the fact that the three guards in the room had already spotted me and were pelting away with their Sig-552's. Given how trashy the game's lock-on system is (even if you lock on to a soldier, you have to aim manually with the right stick to actually kill them), I was amazed that I didn't die just trying to kill a guy with my P99.

Then came a helicopter chase scene with incredibly awkward controls.

After a few hours of this nonsense, I switched the game off and played System Shock instead.

SHODAN: Nice jump, human.

Tune: Metal Gear Solid 2 - Arsenal's Guts
Game: Everything or Nothing, Picross 2, System Shock, llor.nu

A Lesson Learned, Again

Cardinal Rule of Anime Watching: When watching a particularly serious series, do not watch the finale right before you go to sleep for the night.

Having just finished Noir, I keep having mental images of Chloe in the ritual outfit. I keep suspecting that she's following me. And it only gets weirder in my dreams. So weird that I've already forgotten them.

I suppose I could bring myself back to reality by watching an earlier episode of Trigun (like episode 2). But then I'd be back on my Vash kick. (Was I ever off my Vash kick?)

My current Doom project, "The Stranger," may end up being my last weapon mod. I could continue being a mentor to future modders, posting tutorials and the like on the Armory page.

The design decisions going into The Stranger are getting more interesting. I implemented throwing knives last week, modifying those submitted by a man known as Inuyasha ("Dog Demon"?). Nothing says "professional" like a blade in the back from fifty yards, after all...(but then, that only brings my mind back to Chloe. Darn!)

I need more anime. I'll go look up Gungrave. Or maybe Samurai Pizza Cats again because my torrent doesn't work.

Anything to get Chloe out of my head. Stop following me.

Tune: TimeSplitters 2 - Siberia
Game: Picross 2 (wherein The Weasel draws a picture of a samurai movie!)

Retreat? Hell, we're just fighting in the other direction!

Ancient Fate

Another anime bites the proverbial dust. It's high time I cleaned my hard drive of the last few anime I watched - I probably have about 15 gigs worth of it just lying around. At the very least, I ought to pack up and burn Noir to make room for Samurai Pizza Cats (which I'm getting for my mother) and maybe Gungrave.

Maybe I'll pack up The Wanderers as well; leaving Trigun for ripping sound bytes from (because nothing is quite like firing your box up in the morning and being greeted with Wolfwood mistaking a cat for Vash).

Kingdom Hearts nears completion. I defeated Maleficent in my last play, leading me to believe I'm very close to the end. And I still have Chain of Memories to play through, so I get the full story for when Kingdom Hearts II comes out (which, by the way, has TRON in it! FREAKING TRON! THIS IS AWESOME)

Makes me wish I had a job, dammit! (Pardon the language - I just find it hard to believe I've gone so long without so much as a word about my future employment.)

Tune: Uncle - Artificial Snow (Earthbound)
Game: None

Nicks and Scratches

Nicknames - because just going by "Corwin" all the time doesn't seem to cut it.

A discussion over at Doomworld regarding common nicknames that people use sparked a reflection. I still remember the time about 10 years ago when I officially stopped acknowledging "CJ" as my official alias. (I've since rescinded this denial, and I don't care if people call me CJ anymore. Grandpa does it all the time.)

A couple years after that, the preacher at the church I used to go to started calling me The Corwinator. I have no clue where it came from, outside of the verbal similarities to The Terminator (which, a year earlier, was one of my favorite SNES games).

Now the nicknames are only getting stranger. "Hamster" is a common one, as is "Cheese Eater" and "Hoser" (I blame my uncle for that one - on the move to Colorado, he'd throw that into the morning radio check).

Tune: ZhayTee - Kraid Adagio
Game: Kingdom Hearts
Episode of the Day: Noir episode 13

Wuh-Oh, I Been Pwned

Over at this guy's livejournal, there are screens and movies of a Graffiti Kingdom monster - a freaking Dalek! While I was wasting my time trying to design cubes with faces, this guy made a freaking Dalek. Accurate. Very cool-looking. And it's the New Series version to boot.

The Mistake, Part 2

The mistake has been partially rectified with the ultimate BAN put in place over one of said idiots. We only have one left, and I've put him on my ignore list because he never does anything.

Tune: Rush - La Villa Strangiato
Game: Kingdom Hearts

One who knows nothing can understand nothing.

The Mistake

Yes, I have made a mistake. Everybody is human - nobody is perfect.

My mistake...was that I returned.

I went back to the ZDoom forums after having abandoned it. And lo and behold - the same idiots that made me leave before, are still there...and they've gotten worse.

But since I'm so bored without a place to look at every five minutes for activity, I decided to register a pseudonym. I will not disclose its name.

And now that that's off my chest - it's time to file some "anonymous" reports.

Tune: Symphony of the Night - Heavenly Doorway
Game: None

Scientists Unearth Year-Old Email "Time Capsule"

This episode of The Weasel's Guide to the Internet is brought to you by Gopher.

Yet another edition of the Guide, and boy have I got some crazy things to show y'all.

We start with the E-Mail Time Capsule Maker, a fun little number that lets you send an email up to 20 years into the future (and as short a time as one year). Providing that Forbes' servers are up (they have made several safeguards) these emails will be returned to you in the amount of time that you specify.

Also for you budding career-builders out there that somehow forget to wear your tie, there's the Emergency Tie Kit. Just don't try wearing it to a job interview.

On the Online Auction spectrum of today's installment, we have this floating NES. In case the auction page goes down, here is the entirety of the seller's description:

Up for auction is a one of a kind floating NES. That's right this working NES from 1985 floats in mid air (with a little help from fishing line).

The NES is in great working order and the winning bidder will receive: The Floating NES (of course), AC Adaptor, RCA wires, Super Mario/Duck Hunt, the NES Zapper, fishing line to make it float and one non-floating controller.

If the winning bid is over $50 you'll receive an additional FLOATING NES CONTROLLER to match your FLOATING NES.

Impress your friends, family and neighbors with this one-of-a-kind mega ultra rare FLOATING NES.

This auction is brought to you by RetroNintendo.com and is for a working NES that floats when you attach the included fishing line to your ceiling. it does not actually defy gravity.

And finally, my own new little corner of the web - The Writers' Guild! Register today and get involved with the hottest new startup since HomeGrocer.com!

Tune: The Sims - Purchase Music #1 (You Pause My Life)
Game: Doom (with work-in-progress mod: The Stranger)
Miscellaneous Crappy News: About sixty new entries added to the Random Quote Generator.

Largo: I know not what this is, but I have killed it anyway!
Pirogoeth: Please don't wave dead things in my face, or I'll have to hurt you.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Ahem...well, not quite yet, because I have a blog post to write.

Moving on...

Today was yet another dull weekend. Dad gets to go to work tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to hear about the status of my potential employment. I'm not getting too excited about it though - in case it doesn't turn out. If there's one thing I've learned in my years as a video gamer, it's never to get too hyped up - because somebody like Fox Interactive is bound to destroy your hopes by canning a project (whether it was theirs in the first place or not).

Given that context, though, I pray that President Bush doesn't order a cease and desist on all operations in and around Target involving my employment. I don't see why he would, but in this day and age, nothing's too bizarre.

The news today was slow as heck. (Believe me - heck's pretty slow.) About the most interesting article on Fark today was one involving putting cameras on the butts of police-issued Tasers to serve as evidence against wrongful tasing of suspects.

Reminds me of that time this one guy was running around a Burger King parking lot naked, and got tased about thirteen times. And survived.

Which in turn reminds me of the guy in Sydney that wore incredibly static-charged clothing and almost set his office building on fire.

Which makes me flash back to the time I was sucking on a power cord and then had the nerve to plug it back in (come on, I was only four at the time!). I've changed a lot since then - for example, if I must suck on a power cord, I now wipe it down and make sure there's no spit left on it. (I haven't actually done that since that day though.)

Somehow I get the feeling things are going to get at least a little more interesting come Thanksgiving. Especially since we have that case of designer Jones Soda bottles (mmm, turkey and gravy soda).

Tune: Guitar Vader - Super Brother
Game: Kingdom Hearts
Current Project: Doom weapon mod - "The Stranger" with accompanying short story

A Post Without Meaning

Hey Sidewalk! Get Outta My Way!

So I beat Earthbound today. Well, almost - I quit playing after I beat up Giygas. Just for fun I thought I'd just hammer on him with my level 99 Masters Of The Universe - spent about five minutes holding the Fast Forward and Auto-Fire A buttons. Probably about fifty-thousand damage total.

Then I beat him the proper way, by praying repeatedly.

And hey, just for kicks, I named myself "Vash the Stampede" so it'd be that much cooler in the end.

Yeah, I'm still going through my Trigun kick - even though I finished watching it about a week ago. I'm now working through Noir, which is pretty cool so far (only five episodes in though...)

I've recieved countless recommendations for new anime to get into. A lot of people seem to be nudging me towards Elfen Lied, which served as the inspiration for that god-awful Nana comic series (though this is supposedly much more serious and less dependant upon hopelessly dark humor). Others have insisted that I check out Tenchi Muyo, being from the same creator as El-Hazard.

And then there's the odd ones out that want me to look at Gungrave. Trust me - that's next on the list.

Until the next episode of Noir downloads though, I'll have to keep drawing
guys sitting on toilets Picross puzzles.

Tune: Matt Pollard - Guardia Forest Spirits (Chrono Trigger)
Game: Earthbound

Wolfwood: [Milly] does everything I can't, like its no big deal at all. It's really irritating.

My Day In A Nutshell

9:22 - Alarm first sounds on my stereo. I don't hear it for approximately eight minutes, when KPAM 860 AM does their traffic report (punctuated with a sounding car horn). I'm dead tired at that point, so I reach for my remote control (conveniently placed on my windowsill) and switch the stereo off.

12:25 - Dad arrives at home, and awakens me with the closing of the garage door. I get up and dress myself, then go to have "brunch" - a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I soon discover that we're just about out of milk. I dump the remaining few drops of milk on the cereal and make myself some hot cocoa to go with it.

1:01 - I fire up my computer for the day, and set up my pillows for extra back support. My first activities don't involve the bed yet, because I'm busy checking my forum links and RSS feeds.

1:35 - Mom contacts me on Google Talk and asks me about pizza for dinner.

2:12 - Wervyn contacts me on AIM over various things regarding the Writers' Guild (and an old story that he wishes to continue).

3:00 - I set up my JoyToKey program for "Gameboy Mouse" configuration, start up VisualBoy Advance, and play Picross 2 from my bed for a couple of hours.

5:30 - Mom arrives home, but without pizza. Turns out we were going to have noodles tonight instead - but they were good noodles, so no big deal.

6:00 - While taking a bathroom break, I arbitrarily decide to take a shower.

6:02 - I stand in front of the shower head for a few minutes without moving. At this point I can't remember what I was thinking about, but it was important enough to interrupt my shower.

6:30 - I finally emerge from the bathroom wearing a towel. Since the parents are watching Three To Tango in the living room, they don't see me.

7:00 - Parents go to bed, and Mom donates to me the remainder of a bag of stale cookies. I make a cup of "Sleepytime" chamomile tea and use that to wash them down.

8:00 - I play some Doom.

9:00 - I randomly decide to check through my RSS feeds again for what feels like the tenth time today. News from Joystiq is as boring as usual - more Microsoft XBox 360 "shortage" conspiracy theories, more Jack Thompson In Court coverage (over a case involving GTA 3 - I pray to God that he loses), more XBox hype. Joy.

9:30 - I sign back on to Gaim (all five of my accounts - AIM, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, and Google Talk) and browse the forums waiting for something to happen.

9:55 - I go to Blogger and start writing a post. Insert cheap rip-off of the "This Is Now" scene from Spaceballs.

Tune: Segata Sanshiro's Theme
Game: Picross 2

Vash: [has a dodgeball stuck to his lips] The Deadly Dodgeball Head! A simple technique to hold the ball in place with intense suction! Try this at home kids!!

You Got A Bloody Right To Save

So I decided to go play through Earthbound again - this time though, with a save-state hacking program. I gave all four characters (named Vash, Meryl, Jeff, and Kyo) uber-loot, uber-stats, and the uber ability to destroy bosses in one hit.

In one day, I got all four characters, went to Deep Darkness (which is about halfway through the game, I think), met Dungeon Man, and completely pwned Master Belch (though for some reason he took two hits - probably because he's invulnerable unless you throw fly honey at him).

Geez. Imagine what I could do if I were to like...get a copy of Gameshark and cheat through FF7. Then I wouldn't get stuck at the freaking Cosmo Canyon again.

Tune: Chariots of Fire theme
Game: Earthbound (SNES)

Strings Attached...I Hope

So dad's going to try and pull some strings at Target to get me into the light backstock area. I hope things work out because I need income.

I also managed to get him very annoyed because I don't want to go to college.

I'm pretty optimistic though - I'm bound to have at least a little better career life than my dear brother, for the one reason that I graduated high school instead of getting a GED. But since I'm sure he's going to read this at some point (I hope...come on bro, I haven't heard from you in weeks) I offer my apologies in advance for any "defamation of character" charges you might file against me. Not that I actually expect you to do that.

A majority of today was spent lying in bed and playing Picross whilst calling it rude names. (But hey, Picross started it - it made me draw a picture of a guy sitting on a toilet, for crap's sake (no pun intended...)

Tune: Edwarg Grieg - In The Hall of the Mountain King
Game: Picross 2 (GameBoy, translated)

I Am Vash The Stampede!

The legendary Humanoid Typhoon! The destroyer of July City! Just take a look at my big red coat, my beautiful blonde locks, and my fancy silver revolver! And if that doesn't convince you...how about my 100% accurate gunmanship! [Vash starts shooting in the air]

While playing some games like Doom, I begin to imagine that I'm not actually playing as whoever the game wants me to play - I take on the guise of a completely different character.

Such is the case with my latest personal-use weapon mod, "Mixed Tape #2" - in which a .44 magnum revolver is among the most powerful weapons in the game. I play in tight spaced levels like Vrack3, diving left and right, ensuring that no bullet is wasted, doing daring stuff like reloading while rushing across a bridge. Stopping the largest demons with only six bullets.

Because I'm Vash the Stampede. At least, in the context of the game.

Leave it to an 18-year-old writer with no physical contact to the outside world to come up with this junk.

Tune: Dune - Desert Theme (Synthesizer Greatest version)
Game: Doom
Anime: Noir (episode 1)

Vash: I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.

Milly: What are you talking about, Mr. Vash the Stampede?

Vash: I hate it when you call me by my full name!